Thursday, March 27, 2008

Yoga News - New Yoga Music CD is a Hit

Marsha Bloom
For Yoga Industry News

Dr. Psycho’s Lonely Rehab Kirtan Band is a new exciting Kirtan CD that is being spun not only in Yoga studios around the world but also climbing in the pop music charts. Praised as “an unsurpassed adventure in concept, sound and songwriting”, this revolutionary ‘Yoga music’ CD has captured both the Yoga and pop market by surprise. From the title song’s blasts of loud yogic Ujjayi breathing and fuzz sitars to the multi-channeled chanting and long, dying primal scream at the end of tune, 'That’s Hot (Yoga)', the thirteen tracks on Dr. Psycho’s Lonely Rehab Kirtan Band is the next evolution in the Yoga music.

Consisting of a trio of rehab pop divas; Amy Winehouse, Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan and one Celebutante; Paris Hilton, this Kirtan quartet that goes by the name of The YogaDawgs, is creating buzz in the Yoga industry. “This is one insane album. It’s the only thing the students want me to play in the studio,” explained Gobdev, owner of 'Say it ain’t Yoga' Yoga studio. With songs having been penned by all four members of the group; 'I don’t want to go to Yoga', 'Fuck me Lululemons', 'Monkey man, Hanuman' (Amy Winehouse); 'Opps – I varted again in Happy Baby pose', 'Get Naked Yoga', 'Toxic side angle Twist' (Britney Spears); 'Confession of a broken Yogi', 'Anything but Headstand' (Lindsey Lohan) and 'That’s Hot (Yoga)' (Paris Hilton), this CD has something for every Yogi.

How The YogaDawgs came together to record this CD has been a bit of a mystery, but sources close to the singers say that they had all apparently come under the spell of the elusive and controversial, GuruYogaDawg, while they were in rehab (See Britney Does YogaDawg and Paris Does YogaDawg). The biggest surprise of the group was the addition of Paris Hilton. While not a ‘pop diva’, Hilton’s little known 2002 CD, Paris, reached number six on the Billboard 200 for a week. As Winehouse explained, “Hey, that bitch can play a mean tambourine.” Asked how they choose the name of the group, Britney Spears replied “We were going to call ourselves the “Rehabs” but that was already taken.”

Cynical critics have attributed the success of the CD to the multi-billion dollar Yoga industry and the lucrative Yoga music circuit. “Everyone knows that there is money in that scene. This is the first ever Yoga/ pop music cross-over sensation,” explained John March of Pop MusicToday. “Just as drugs, sex and rock and roll produced the Beatles Sergeant Pepper record 40 years ago; this YogaDawgs CD is what booze, rehab and Yoga produced today. It’s so whacked. With everyone in America doing Yoga, no wonder it’s a hit. I need some blow!"

Meanwhile, Natalie Cole, who had trashed Amy Winehouse for winning 4 Grammys this year, was asked what she thought about this CD. “What is this monstrosity? I am so sick of these skinny ass, crack hos. And what the fuck is yoga?” she replied.

Click to Enlarge

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Yoga News - Ex-Gov Spitzer – Further Revelations

Jimmy Olsen
For Yoga Crime Chronicals

On the heels of the investigation involving Ex-Gov. Eliot Spitzer over the call-girl scandal, another revelation has come to light regarding Spitzer’s secret life outside the governor’s office. Investigators have revealed that the ex-governor, in addition to having liaisons with prostitutes in a Washington DC hotel, had also apparently been engaged in partner yoga in an Eastern Shore yoga studio. The Yogic Love Shack yoga studio, located by a mosquito infested marsh outside Golden Hill, MD (a 2 hour drive from DC), is home to a style of yoga that involves using partners.

While some in the small town have reported seeing black limousines out there by the Yogic Love Shack from time to time, most dismissed them as pols from Washington going duck hunting. “I knew there was some funny stuff going on out there, but I thought it was just Chaney (Vice President Dick Chaney) shooting up barns and road sign that he likes to do when he comes out here”, explained Hal Cromwell (Organizer and president of the Muskrat Beauty Pageant).

In any event, investigators said Spitzer was clearly a repeat customer who spent thousands of dollars on high-priced partner yoga workshops over an extended period of time. It was also said that some of the money even went towards private yoga sessions with a yogini named Shakti.

What is remarkable about all this is the fact that the FBI has videotape showing Spitzer engaging in partner yoga. “We knew that he was indulging in some kind of perversion over there in that shack, but couldn’t decide what we should focus on, prostitution or partner yoga”, explained agent Ben Miller. “I mean, that assisted Down Dog he was doing was pretty sick,” he added.

In the court papers, a Yogic Love employee was quoted as telling Shakti that Client 9 — Spitzer, according to investigators — "would ask you to do things that ... you might not think were safe," and Shakti responded by saying: "I have a way of dealing with that. ... I'd be, like, listen, dude, you really want to do headstand?"

The Yogic Love Shack on Maryland's Eastern Shore and Owner Buddy "Sundance" Lee

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Yoga News - State of Yoga Proposed

Cynthia Bainsworth
For Yogaweek

In a desperate move to stem the tide of people leaving the state of North Dakota, Governor John Hoeven and Attorney General Wayne Stenehjem today announced that they will propose legislation to change the name of North Dakota to Yoga. Governor Hoeven explained, "This bleeding of our population has got to stop. We feel that this is a bold move to not only stop the fleeing of our citizens to warmer climates but, in fact, will increase the population of the state four fold".

A few years ago, it was suggested by some North Dakota state legislators that the state should change its name to merely "Dakota" in an attempt to curb outmigration and encourage business investment. Their rationale was that, by including the "North" in North Dakota, it paints a picture of isolation and bitter cold. Nothing came of this proposal.

When asked by reporters if the Governor thought the idea of renaming the state's name to Yoga a "bit harebrained", he quipped, "Look there is nothing harebrained about this. We tried everything in the past to get people to stay here. Hell, we offered free land and even open invitations to any and all illegal aliens. And not one person took us up, let alone an illegal alien settling here. With 27.8 billion yogis in the world, it would not take many to quadruple the state's population"!

When North Dakota's lone Yogi was asked about the proposal, she replied, "Wouldn't it confuse people when they heard that you were going to Yoga? I mean, how would they know you are going to the state of Yoga and not a Yoga class"? We presented this question to the Governor whose reply was, "Damn, nobody knows where the hell North Dakota is anyway. So why should this be any more confusing to them".

Current North Dakota map and proposed map

Current North Dakota flag and proposed flag

Current North Dakota state bird (Western Meadowlark - Sturnella neglecta) and proposed state bird (Crane - Bakasana)

Sunday, March 09, 2008

Yoga Shopping - The PatanjaliYoga Portable Yoga Studio

Now own your very own Yoga Studio. A complete collapsible Yoga studio, made of 100% recycled cardboard stock with biodegradable cloth hinges that allows you to set up your very own Yoga studio in a matter of seconds in your own living room. The PatanjaliYoga Portable Studio is designed from the specifications as described in the Yoga Sutras. It includes a Buddha, a Mandela and an Om symbol etched in henna on the surface as well as a view of the Himalayas.

Monday, March 03, 2008

GreatTranscendentalYoga Superstore - The AhimsaYoga Knives Collection

A full set of kitchen knifes that don’t cut and cleavers that don’t chop so as to be better able to live non-violently. Features exclusive DoNoHarm cutting surfaces that are rust free and maintains its dull edge longer than most traditional kitchen knives.