Sunday, September 09, 2012

Bye Bye Bloggie - Join me on Facebook

It's time to abandon this blog as there is no compelling reason to continue it. I noticed a drop off of comments and traffic awhile ago and just turned off comments completely a couple of months ago because all the comments were going on my Facebook page. Blogger feels kind of old and rickety and so much like yesterdays news. And all the action these days is on Facebook anyway and with their timeline, it's really more blog like these days.

So visit (and friend) me on Facebook on my YogaDawg Howls page.  Also the official YogaDawg website, My Third Eye Itches is still alive for all the archived yoga satire. Most importantly, if you want to add a little bit of class to your home, yoga studio or life, you could always buy a YogaDawg painting...

Wednesday, September 05, 2012

Them that's got shall get...Inside and outside the Oasis at the DNC

I can't help but to contrast these two videos that showed up the same day...makes you wonder who needs yoga more. (Seems to take the first video forever to load but well worth the wait for a look into the Arianna Huffingtion/Seane Corn Oasis at the DNC)

Contrast that with this video "Charlotte Homeless Outside DNC Cling To Motels"

And then I think of the Billy Holiday song, "God Bless the Child"

Monday, August 20, 2012

When the Kombucha goes bad...

The Emos ® School of Yoga

The Emos run the love child school of yoga. All is well here. I'm okay; you're okay. The world is a box of chocolates, and you can expect a Valentines Day card with each visit. There will be merry, uplifting yoga music along with chanting, laughing, and joyful chatter among teachers and students. You will learn to open your heart, spiral into your Inner Being, and leave the class feeling blissfully in love with the Universe. Hugging the receptionist, teacher, and fellow students are encouraged -- before, during, and after class.

Everyone is happy here, except for the lonely man, who is here because of the Emo ® online dating service. The Emo ® online dating service, is run by the school. You will get a 10% discount on yoga classes if you sign up for a one-year membership to its online dating service.

In addition to the online dating service, the Emo ® school has a great online store. Here you will find The Heart ® meditation mat, The Heart ® collection of Yoga towels, The Heart ® yoga tote bag, The Heart ® eye bag and the Heart ® nonslip yoga mat kissed with a scent of pomegranate (known as the love fruit). All these items come in cardiac red with a heart motif on each. You can also order The Heart ® key chain, The Heart ® Buddha, and The Heart ® Heart. These also come in cardiac red with a heart motif on them.

You will find many books published through this school from the Heart ® Press. A sampling of titles are: Unlock your Heart, The Open Heart, The Friendly Heart, Getting more out of your Heart, Pimping your Heart, A Path to the Heart, The Clogged Heart, Avoiding Heart Breaks, Don't leave your Heart in San Francisco, and No more Heartburn.

The studios of the Emo ® school have walls that are painted red with a heart motif on them. The lighting will be red and even though the appearance may look a bit like a Texas whorehouse, don't get confused by where you are. Simply look for the red heart-shaped Buddhas and the shimmering neon hearts pulsing on the ceiling.

All poses in the Emo ® school are done with partners. You will be able to choose your own or will be assigned one by the teacher if you are shy. The poses have names like the Side Angle Hug ®, Connected Dogs ®, Kissing Cobras ® and Mating Warriors ®. Expect to clap, cheer, and hug your fellow Yoga student and the teacher after every pose.

TIP: Men, sit by any pretty babes upon entering the studio so you will be partnered up with them when the class begins.

BONUS TIP: Avoid this school if you have any aversions to touching people or if you are prone to psychotic episodes from other people touching you.

Sunday, August 19, 2012

The Ultimate Yoga Studio

The ultimate in services await you at the YogaDawg Yoga Studios.

Water divining


Aura balancing


Tarot reading


Sanskrit translation services


Crop circle interpretation


Alien abductees counseling


Ear candling


Renal/rectal philology



Colonic cleansing


Craniosacral therapy


Reading Tea Leaves


Vedic Astrology




Snake handling

Oh, and yoga, but never pranayama, Sanskrit or that pesky meditation stuff

Monday, July 23, 2012

Exclusive - Photos from the Annual Conference of Male Yoga Stars

The official photo of the last supper from the conference
(click to enlarge)

Left to Right: Rodney Yee, Baron Baptiste, David Life, Paulie Zink, Ana Forrest, Saul David Raye, BKS Iyegar, Deepak Chopra, John Friend, YogaDawg Howls, Ramdev, Eric Schiffmann, Bikram Choudhury

The entertainment from the conference
 (click to enlarge)

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Wednesday, July 04, 2012

The Declaration of Yoga Independence

When in course of a yoga class it becomes necessary for yogis to dissolve the yoga style which have connected them with another and to assume among the yogis, the separate and equal asana to which the Laws of Yoga and Yoga Oms entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of all yogis requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation and independence from former Yoga Styles.

We hold these Yoga Truths to be self-evident, that all yogis are created equal, that they are endowed by God with certain unalienable rights, that among these are Yoga Freedom, Laughter and the pursuit of Yoga Humor. — That to secure these rights, Yoga Styles are instituted among yogis, deriving their just siddhis from the practice of Yoga, — That whenever any Style of Yoga becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the Yogis to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Yoga Styles or declare independence from Yoga Styles altogether, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its asanas in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to affect their correct alignment and resulting transcendence.  Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Yoga Styles long established should not be changed for fame, fortune or photo shots in Yoga Magazines; and accordingly all experience hath shown that yogis are more disposed to suffer declaring it quite unyogic to complain, while evil teachers are sufferable than to align themselves by abolishing the Yoga Styles to which they are accustomed. But when a long history  of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Yoga Workshop evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Yoga Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Yoga Styles, and to provide new yogas for their future sanity and bliss. — Such has been the patient and yogic sufferance of too many yogis; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Style of Yoga. The history of yoga is a history of repeated injuries, ego manipulation and power tripping, all having in direct relationship to the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these yoga styles.

We, therefore, the representatives of the United Yoga States of Transcendence post this appeal to the Supreme Liberator of Yoga for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good yogis of all the Yogas, solemnly publish and declare, that these United Yoga States of Transcendence are, and of right ought to be free and independent yogis; that they are absolved from all allegiance to the Tired Old Yogas and their Yoga Stars, and that all economic connection between them and those Yogas, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as free and independent yogis, they have full power to laugh while chanting, contemplate peace, contact bliss, establish transcendence, and to do all other asanas and pranayamas which independent Yogic Transcendental States may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Yoga, we mutually pledge to each other our Oms, our mats and our Down Dogs.


The Independent Patriots of Yoga Freedom (you know who you are)

Monday, June 25, 2012

Are you yogically hip?

Be aware that like the Yin and the Yang, the Alpha and the Omega, there are also polar opposites with people practicing in the Yoga Scene.  They are affectionately known as the Yip and the Yog.  Simply put, the Yip is the yogically hip; the purveyor of the cool, tight and trendy pimp chic look of contemporary yoga.  Fed by the Yoga Industrial Marketing and Merchandising Complex (YIMMCo), these yogis have evolved the simple needs of yoga into an alt-yogic lifestyle.  Too hip to read yoga magazines (though they tend to sneak peeks from time to time to verify how ahead of the yoga curve they are) they seek out their too cool and post-mod ideas on Buddhist web sites.

The Yog on the other hand is “not”.  They, most likely, are beginner yogis that have not been tainted by the YIMMCo as of yet.  In certain urban yoga studios, the Yog will be made to feel unwelcome and may even be discouraged from pursuing Yoga.  They may, however, be given the advice to check out the Yoga Fashion page of the YogaDawg website before going back to a yoga class.

To help guide you on your path to Yoga Yipness, the following is a handy guide to refer to when confronted with choices in the Yoga World.

Yoga Music:

YIP - Dave Stringer, David Newman, Deva Premal

YOG - Krishna Das, Enya, Yanni

Style of Yoga:

YIP Male – Ashtanga
YIP Female – Jivamukti

YOG – Iyengar, Anusara, Bikram or Generic Vinyassa

Yoga Clothing:

YIP – YogaDawg Gear or anything designed by independent, gay yoga clothes designers living in the East Village of NYC or in a pince, Lululemon.

YOG - Yoga clothing line from Target or Walmart.

Yoga Mat:

YIP Male – The Black Manduka or the YogaDawg, It Ain't Lavender Men's Yoga Mat

YIP Female – The Purple Manduka or the YogaDawg Natural HempYoga SuperMat

Note: The YogaDawgMyPodSouthParkTripleLatte Super Mat is also acceptable to Yips of a certain age (see Yoga Mats chapter).

Yog – Pastel colored PVC mat from Target or a Pilate mat.

Yoga Accessories:

YIP - Mala (worn on wrist), Co-exist or Free Tibet bumper sticker on Prius, top shelf Kombucha, has the smell of Dr. Bronner’s and essential oils, altar (sacred space) on dashboard, Tibetan prayer flag in home studio, a year pass to a trendy and expensive yoga studio, Sanskrit name such as Shanti or Shakti, lives in  LA or NYC

YOG – A rosary worn around neck, My Other Car Is A Yoga Mat bumper sticker on SUV, water in an eco friendly, reusable water bottle, vision boards, has the smell of sage incense, feathers or dream catcher hanging from rearview mirror (or hanging from their ears), DVDs from current yoga stars, normal name such as Brad or Buffy, lives somewhere other then LA or NYC.


YIP - Buddhist, Taoist, Hindu symbols or any symbols from an obscure Eastern based religion.

YOG – Om symbol or anything other then the above or worse, none at all.

Religious Affiliation:

YIP – Buddhist, Taoist, Hindu or any obscure Eastern religion.

YOG – Wicca, any Judeo-Christian religion or New Age belief.

Reading Material:

YIP – The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, Light on Yoga, and Yoga Enquirer.

YOG – Anything by Deepak Chopra, Eckhart Tolle, and Yoga Journal.

Age Limit:

YIP– 21 through 32

YOG – Other then above

Special Note: Yips can morph into YogaDawgs after the age of thirty-two. Though not considered as hip as a Yip, YogaDawgs are still quite respected in the Yip community.

Special Note 2: YogaDawgs will continue to maintain this designation and respect from the Yip community as long as they refrain from any of the following:

1. Moves to the suburbs
2. Works in an office
3. Works as an accountant, engineer, programmer or salesperson
4. Lives with a partner that does one of the above

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Be the Pose





Cow Face


Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Exclusive – Chip Wilson’s Last Lululemon Campaign Exposed

Lemon Lu for Yoga Enquirer

Vancouver — In a leaked memo to the board of directors of Lululemon, high ranking employees expressed concerned about an advertising campaign that was about to be launched by Chip Wilson just before he was ousted from the CEO position of the company.

The memo cites that the CEO had been acting “erratic”, citing several employees who claimed that they saw Mr. Wilson sitting naked in a lotus position on piles $100 Canadian bills in middle of his office while chugging bottles of premium kombucha.  

Attached to the memo where several graphics that the former CEO had designed and was about to release in a new marketing campaign.  Besides two full color ads showing Lululemon buyers as being part of the “one percent” and another one showing Mr. Wilson proclaiming, “I laughed all the way to the bank”, the most curious was one showing a Lululemon bag with the slogan, “I am a yoga douchebag” emblazed on it.

The memo concluded that, “Even though this is a damn clever campaign, we can’t risk alienating any more yoga bloggers”, in apparent reference to the firestorm that erupted last year after Lululemon branded the slogan, “Who is John Galt”, on its bags.

Note:  As of March 2011, Wilson's estimated net worth was $1.9 billion with organization revenues of $700 million. Wilson is linked to the big-ticket Point Grey mansion--worth $37.2--million--currently the most valuable home in Vancouver.  In an interview with the former CEO for this story, Mr. Wilson said his only regret as head of Lululemon was not being able to launch this campaign because he really wanted to let his customers and the public know what he really thought about them.

Thursday, May 31, 2012

Bikches - The Bikram Yoga CD

Includes the mega hit, "Don't Throw Up On The Carpet (It's New)

Other songs that will get your sweat on:

100 kiloton yoga balls

Bring in the American yoga clowns

What are they eating for breakfast on Jupiter

I am the yoga gangster

 The Iyengar Santa Monica sex shop rap

Don’t commit suicide…I’ll sleep with you

I'm bullet proof, waterproof, wind proof, money proof, sex proof, emotion proof, stress proof, strength proof

When in America, copyright and trademark.

Why are your legs spread?

Send $110 international money order to:

YogaDawg Productions
Postal Drop 419 
Ebola Okei-Dokei Street

Thanks to Lo the Yogini for the title and for being the most creative yoga blogger on the web

Saturday, May 26, 2012

Lawn Chair Yoga - Happy Memorial Weekend

YogaDawg's Lawn Chair Yoga - Get off your lawn chair and let it do yoga!

Opening Poses

Mountain Pose

Plank Pose

Upward Facing Dog

Downward Facing Dog

Core Poses

Boat Pose

Plow Pose

Shoulder Stand

Supported Headstand

Fish Pose

Closing Poses

Wheel Pose

Staff Pose

Full Lotus

Corpse Pose

BONUS: Partner Poses