Friday, June 29, 2007

Yoga News - Paris Does YogaDawg – A Jailhouse Conversion

Wholey Moley
For Yoga Entertainment Today

In an apparent jailhouse conversion, Paris Hilton has been spotted doing Yoga in her cell while attempting to speak Sanskrit to the guards (the guards say it sounds more like chop suey).

This behavior can seemingly be traced to her visit to a Buddhist bookstore just before being incarcerated. As has been widely reported, Ms. Hilton had visited the Bodhi Tree Bookstore in Hollywood a week before going to prison. She had purchased several books, among which was the Yoga text book, "My Third Eye Itches – A Yogic Guide" by the elusive and controversial Sri Sri Swami Baba Guru YogaDawg.

What was not known at the time, but which Yoga Entertainment Today has uncovered, is that Britney Spears has been in contact with Paris just prior to her visit to the store. It appears that Britney had suggested that Paris get the book "My Third Eye Itches – A Yogic Guide". It was also suggested by Britney that Paris become a disciple of YogaDawg (see Britney Does YogaDawg - Further Revelations).

It is not known if Ms. Hilton is pursuing this behavior with the hopes of getting out of prison sooner for good behavior or if she has truly mended her ways by following this most enlightened teacher of Yoga.

Editors Note: Paris Hilton was released from prison after only three days of incarceration. There are reports that a large number of the general population of the prison have begun doing Yoga and petitioned the institution for classes in speaking Sanskrit. The non-profit YogaDawg Foundation has reported an upsurge in membership applications from California.

When the sheriff was asked why she was released from prison, he said, "When I looked into her cell, she was all twisted up like a pretzel and speaking this crazy ass shit that I couldn't understand a word of. I thought she was having a catatonic fit. We are not prepared to treat something like that here in the prison".

Editors Update: In fast breaking news, Paris Hilton was sent back to jail Friday a day after her early release under house arrest triggered outrage that one of Hollywood's own was getting special treatment.

Hilton, who had spent little more than 72 hours behind bars, cried and wailed "YogaDawg, YogaDawg, YogaDawg" as Superior Court Judge Michael Sauer ordered her back to prison to serve out her 45-day sentence for driving on a suspended license.

At the hearing, the judge expressed irritation at the sheriff's department, saying he had never heard of YogaDawg nor received promised documents that were supposed to explain why Hilton was released due to this jailhouse conversion.

"I never received those documents. And just who is this YogaDawg?" Sauer was quoted as saying by the Los Angeles Times. There are now reports that a large number of the general population of the prison have STOPPED doing Yoga and learning Sanskrit.