Monday, February 27, 2012

The Next Yoga Journal Cover Dawg

The essay: How Does yogs Inspire You?

Since practicing yoga, I found that I became more flexible, felt happier; more alive. My wrinkles disappeared and my digestion improved while all my aches and pains were relieved. Yoga cured my glass jaw, rope burns, paper cuts, blackheads, spring fever, homesickness, halitosis, corns, bunions, the heebie-jeebies, shyness, unexplained weeping, in-grown toenails, dipsomania, werewolf syndrome, Saturday night palsy and gunshot wounds. I also found that I was able to sleep peacefully through the night, without snoring, on a bed of nails.

As if that wasn't enough, yoga inspired me when I realized that it had it led me to the knowledge of how to charm cobras, leap tall buildings in a single bound, walk through walls, speak fluent Sanskrit and Swahili, cluck like a chicken and walk like an Egyptian. It also gave the ability to compose complex jazz melodies while riding on a unicorn in the park under pink rainbows while it rains glitter.

I continue to be inspired by yoga, when with complete perspicacity during a yoga class, I heard a Mariachi band playing the Music of the Spheres; Gabriel blowing his horn and the Sirens chanting hallelujah! With that, I found that I was able to get endangered species to reproduce rapidly, rescuing them from extinction; made the sun always shine; the plants were always watered; the dog was always walked (and fed and); bald head sprouting hair under tin foil hats and was able to close the hole is the ozone while making energy unlimited and non-polluting.

But perhaps the most important thing how yoga inspired me was when I got the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse to get off their horses to do a few down dogs after changing into more fashionable Lululemons for a few yoga laughs.