Genuine YogaDawg Gear
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Thursday, March 05, 2009
New Computer Virus Ruining Lives
John Havalock
For Yoga Prevention Magazine
A warning was announced from leading software companies that a new virus has been infecting large numbers of computers around the world. This virus, known as the “BKS ver. 1.3756_LOY” virus, arrives via email attachments. Its subject line is designed to trick the recipient into opening the email using a subtle but clever come-on such as SEX SEX SEX targeting males or SHOES SHOES SHOES targeting females.
Users infected with the virus report symptoms ranging from a humming Om sound coming from their hard drive to screen anomalies such as words in documents bending, binding and twisting. It has also been noted that random sentences are occasionally translated into Sanskrit. One infected user found the first twelve verses of the Yoga Sutras inserted into an office memo sent out to co-workers. Another found illustrations of yoga poses peppered throughout a financial PowerPoint presentation presented to the members of the board of his company.
Late stage infections will find the virus using the computer to program the user’s cell phone to chant Hari Krishna while sending emails to yoga studios to sign the user up for yoga classes and workshops. One infected user reported that the virus signed her up for several yoga conferences and had automatically authorized payment from her husband’s credit card (her husband disputes that this had anything to do with a computer virus citing instead a yoga addiction his wife has struggled with for years). In the most disturbing instances, the virus has been found subscribing infected users to Yoga Journal magazine.
Though rare, the virus has shown the ability to leap from computer to user. When this happens, the infected user suddenly loses their sense of humor while earnestly extolling the virtue of yoga to family, friends and coworkers. They will stop talking about sports, their kids, shopping and begin babbling incoherently about yoga. They have been reported to replace their household bric-a-brac, sports trophies, thrift-store paintings and pictures of their kids with statues of Buddha, Om symbols and photos of yoga stars. There have also been reports of infected users quitting their well paying jobs to begin training as yoga teachers.
To eradicate this virus from the computer, anti-virus software venders suggest inserting a copy of Richard Simmons, “Sweating with the Oldies” or an old Jane Fonda workout DVD in the hard drive. For humans infected with the virus, doctors prescribe Pilates classes twice a day and recommend staying away from the computer for the next several months.
A users home BEFORE and AFTER infection from the BKS ver. 1.3756_LOY
For Yoga Prevention Magazine
A warning was announced from leading software companies that a new virus has been infecting large numbers of computers around the world. This virus, known as the “BKS ver. 1.3756_LOY” virus, arrives via email attachments. Its subject line is designed to trick the recipient into opening the email using a subtle but clever come-on such as SEX SEX SEX targeting males or SHOES SHOES SHOES targeting females.
Users infected with the virus report symptoms ranging from a humming Om sound coming from their hard drive to screen anomalies such as words in documents bending, binding and twisting. It has also been noted that random sentences are occasionally translated into Sanskrit. One infected user found the first twelve verses of the Yoga Sutras inserted into an office memo sent out to co-workers. Another found illustrations of yoga poses peppered throughout a financial PowerPoint presentation presented to the members of the board of his company.
Late stage infections will find the virus using the computer to program the user’s cell phone to chant Hari Krishna while sending emails to yoga studios to sign the user up for yoga classes and workshops. One infected user reported that the virus signed her up for several yoga conferences and had automatically authorized payment from her husband’s credit card (her husband disputes that this had anything to do with a computer virus citing instead a yoga addiction his wife has struggled with for years). In the most disturbing instances, the virus has been found subscribing infected users to Yoga Journal magazine.
Though rare, the virus has shown the ability to leap from computer to user. When this happens, the infected user suddenly loses their sense of humor while earnestly extolling the virtue of yoga to family, friends and coworkers. They will stop talking about sports, their kids, shopping and begin babbling incoherently about yoga. They have been reported to replace their household bric-a-brac, sports trophies, thrift-store paintings and pictures of their kids with statues of Buddha, Om symbols and photos of yoga stars. There have also been reports of infected users quitting their well paying jobs to begin training as yoga teachers.
To eradicate this virus from the computer, anti-virus software venders suggest inserting a copy of Richard Simmons, “Sweating with the Oldies” or an old Jane Fonda workout DVD in the hard drive. For humans infected with the virus, doctors prescribe Pilates classes twice a day and recommend staying away from the computer for the next several months.
A users home BEFORE and AFTER infection from the BKS ver. 1.3756_LOY
Wednesday, March 04, 2009
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Sunday, February 22, 2009
If Barack Obama was a Yogi
Top Row: Rainbeau Mars, Dave Romanelli, Natasha Rizopoulos, Ana Forrest, Rodney Yee, Seane Corn, David Newman (Durga Das), Sharon Gannon, Guru YogaDawg, Dave Stringer, Baron Baptiste
Middle Row: Ana Brett, Deepak Chopra, Sarah Powers, Eric Schiffman
Front Row: Bikram Choudhury, Shiva Rea
See the OM Cabinet here
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Friday, February 13, 2009
Friday, February 06, 2009
Friday, January 30, 2009
Mysterious Yogi found under Van Gogh Painting
Theo Van Gogh
For Yoga Art Journal
A previously unknown charcoal sketch of a dog by Vincent van Gogh has been revealed in a high-tech look beneath one of his paintings. Using a new technique based on "synchrotron radiation induced X-ray fluorescence spectroscopy", the dog seems to be a preliminary sketch for an intended painting. It appears that Van Gogh changed his mind and instead, painted over the sketch with a portrait of Pere Tanguy, a dealer who sold art supplies in Paris.
Art Von Dawggin, an art historian at the Van Gogh Foundation commented, “We only know of one other instance of a painting of a dog by Van Gogh, “Portrait of a Yoga Dawg”. The title of the painting has always been a bit of a mystery as to who this dog was and what exactly is a “yoga dawg”. We know that Van Gogh had an interest in Japan as he has painted many paintings with a Japanese motif. It has been speculated that Tanguy might have had a meditating novelty statue in his shop that he brought back from Japan along with the Japanese prints that he sold to Van Gogh and the other Impressionist painters. Scholars now suspect that this might be a second painting that Van Gogh intended to paint containing a ‘Yoga Dawg”.
Editors Note: While researching this story, numerous references exist that seems to imply that there is an ancient Indian Rushi, a “YogaDawg” incarnation, that roams the earth and appears to yogis from time to time throughout history, to tell them a good yoga joke.
1. Van Gogh painting with ghostly image of a 'YogaDawg' underneath.
2. The Van Gogh painting the 'YogaDawg' sketch was found under Portrait of Père Tanguy, 1887. Oil on canvas.
3. What the 'YogaDawg' painting by Van Gogh might have looked like as visualized by Art Von Dawggin of the Van Gogh Museum.
For Yoga Art Journal
A previously unknown charcoal sketch of a dog by Vincent van Gogh has been revealed in a high-tech look beneath one of his paintings. Using a new technique based on "synchrotron radiation induced X-ray fluorescence spectroscopy", the dog seems to be a preliminary sketch for an intended painting. It appears that Van Gogh changed his mind and instead, painted over the sketch with a portrait of Pere Tanguy, a dealer who sold art supplies in Paris.
Art Von Dawggin, an art historian at the Van Gogh Foundation commented, “We only know of one other instance of a painting of a dog by Van Gogh, “Portrait of a Yoga Dawg”. The title of the painting has always been a bit of a mystery as to who this dog was and what exactly is a “yoga dawg”. We know that Van Gogh had an interest in Japan as he has painted many paintings with a Japanese motif. It has been speculated that Tanguy might have had a meditating novelty statue in his shop that he brought back from Japan along with the Japanese prints that he sold to Van Gogh and the other Impressionist painters. Scholars now suspect that this might be a second painting that Van Gogh intended to paint containing a ‘Yoga Dawg”.
Editors Note: While researching this story, numerous references exist that seems to imply that there is an ancient Indian Rushi, a “YogaDawg” incarnation, that roams the earth and appears to yogis from time to time throughout history, to tell them a good yoga joke.
1. Van Gogh painting with ghostly image of a 'YogaDawg' underneath.
2. The Van Gogh painting the 'YogaDawg' sketch was found under Portrait of Père Tanguy, 1887. Oil on canvas.
3. What the 'YogaDawg' painting by Van Gogh might have looked like as visualized by Art Von Dawggin of the Van Gogh Museum.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Yoga News - Bush's Letter to YogaDawg
Martha Washington
For EternallyBlissfulYoga Magazine
In an exclusive to EternallyBlissfulYoga Magazine, a letter from President George Bush to Sri Sri Swami Baba Guru YogaDawg had been made public. Some believe that this is a blatant attempt to rewrite his sordid presidency in light of the incoming administration. Though some believe that nothing will redeem his place in history, others in the yoga community think his association with Guru YogaDawg will lead to, if nothing else, more men in Texas doing yoga.
Dear Mr. YogaDawg,
Now that I am leaving office I want to thank you for your dedication to this country and all that you have taught me about yoga. I was happy to have discovered your awesome newspaper in the stack of tabloids that I read each day and your provocation YQ magazine. How much more information I had gleaned from them then those left-leaning rags, The Washington Post and the New York Times.
I can’t thank you enough for setting up the yoga studio below the bunker in the sub-sub-sub-sub-sub-sub-sub-sub-sub-sub-basement. That was the only thing that saved my sanity in the last few months of my administration. No matter how low my ratings sank or how much people hated me, I took solace there and as you could see, has mellowed me to the point of not giving a rat’s ass about any of that. By gosh, if it wasn’t for yoga, these last few years, it all would have pissed me off so much that I would be ready to invade some unsuspecting country or something. I really appreciated that you didn’t mention any of the yoga stuff to Dick. You know how he gets.
You know how excited I was to receive your It Ain’t Lavender yoga mat. I’m sorry that I couldn’t do more for Earl of San Antonio but sometimes a president needs to keep a low profile in certain issues.
In ending, let me say it was my pleasure to be able to assist you in your release from hands of the evil yoga forces that caused the shutdown of your blog. I consider it my greatest achievement in the last eight years to have assisted you in the epoch battle between yoga-good and the decaying aspect of the Yoga Industrial Complex on our world. Who would have thought that members of the YLF (Yoga Liberation Front) were actually comprised of hand-picked persons of my kitchen staff and that they were so effective in getting your yoga blog back online?
In closing let me say that Barney and I will miss you greatly as we leave Washington, DC to go back to Texas. Always remember, our kennel is always open to you and a yoga mat is always rolled out.
Your President.
George W. Bush
PS I talked to Barack the other day about them adopting you for the Obama girls. He looked at me a little strange but I think you may be getting a call from them soon.
For EternallyBlissfulYoga Magazine
In an exclusive to EternallyBlissfulYoga Magazine, a letter from President George Bush to Sri Sri Swami Baba Guru YogaDawg had been made public. Some believe that this is a blatant attempt to rewrite his sordid presidency in light of the incoming administration. Though some believe that nothing will redeem his place in history, others in the yoga community think his association with Guru YogaDawg will lead to, if nothing else, more men in Texas doing yoga.
Dear Mr. YogaDawg,
Now that I am leaving office I want to thank you for your dedication to this country and all that you have taught me about yoga. I was happy to have discovered your awesome newspaper in the stack of tabloids that I read each day and your provocation YQ magazine. How much more information I had gleaned from them then those left-leaning rags, The Washington Post and the New York Times.
I can’t thank you enough for setting up the yoga studio below the bunker in the sub-sub-sub-sub-sub-sub-sub-sub-sub-sub-basement. That was the only thing that saved my sanity in the last few months of my administration. No matter how low my ratings sank or how much people hated me, I took solace there and as you could see, has mellowed me to the point of not giving a rat’s ass about any of that. By gosh, if it wasn’t for yoga, these last few years, it all would have pissed me off so much that I would be ready to invade some unsuspecting country or something. I really appreciated that you didn’t mention any of the yoga stuff to Dick. You know how he gets.
You know how excited I was to receive your It Ain’t Lavender yoga mat. I’m sorry that I couldn’t do more for Earl of San Antonio but sometimes a president needs to keep a low profile in certain issues.
In ending, let me say it was my pleasure to be able to assist you in your release from hands of the evil yoga forces that caused the shutdown of your blog. I consider it my greatest achievement in the last eight years to have assisted you in the epoch battle between yoga-good and the decaying aspect of the Yoga Industrial Complex on our world. Who would have thought that members of the YLF (Yoga Liberation Front) were actually comprised of hand-picked persons of my kitchen staff and that they were so effective in getting your yoga blog back online?
In closing let me say that Barney and I will miss you greatly as we leave Washington, DC to go back to Texas. Always remember, our kennel is always open to you and a yoga mat is always rolled out.
Your President.
George W. Bush
PS I talked to Barack the other day about them adopting you for the Obama girls. He looked at me a little strange but I think you may be getting a call from them soon.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
YogaDawg Spotted in DC
Jennie-Ji
For EternallyBlissfulYoga Super Magazine
Wild rumors abound that the controversial and elusive yoga guru, YogaDawg, was spotted at the Global Mala celebration in Washington DC on September 21. Past attempts to photograph YogaDawg have failed due to his use of advanced yogic Siddhas (yoga powers). These have allowed YogaDawg from being photographed in public by eluding the paparazzi by either walking through walls, levitating out of windows or completely disappearing before his picture could be snapped. Why he has allowed himself to be photographed at this point is anyone’s guess. Some astute YogaDawg watchers believe that this may have something to do with his independent run for President of the United States. Others believe that it was simply the worldwide celebration of yoga that put YogaDawg in the mood to be photographed. In any event, whether the photos are real or not, yogis worldwide believe that YogaDawg may be slipping out his self-imposed exile since the time of the suspension of his famous yoga blog by evil forces of the Yoga Industrial Complex and Tom Cruise.
Shiva Sunshine (her real name she claims), who attended the gathering is quoted as saying, “I know I heard a lot of insane laughing from somewhere in the crowd. From what I know from YogaDawg, I would swear that it was him. Unfortunately, I never spotted him but there seem to be a lot of smiling faces from the direction of the laughter. But then who know? It might just have been the Yoga that got everyone smiling ”.
Is that YogaDawg in this photograph?
For EternallyBlissfulYoga Super Magazine
Wild rumors abound that the controversial and elusive yoga guru, YogaDawg, was spotted at the Global Mala celebration in Washington DC on September 21. Past attempts to photograph YogaDawg have failed due to his use of advanced yogic Siddhas (yoga powers). These have allowed YogaDawg from being photographed in public by eluding the paparazzi by either walking through walls, levitating out of windows or completely disappearing before his picture could be snapped. Why he has allowed himself to be photographed at this point is anyone’s guess. Some astute YogaDawg watchers believe that this may have something to do with his independent run for President of the United States. Others believe that it was simply the worldwide celebration of yoga that put YogaDawg in the mood to be photographed. In any event, whether the photos are real or not, yogis worldwide believe that YogaDawg may be slipping out his self-imposed exile since the time of the suspension of his famous yoga blog by evil forces of the Yoga Industrial Complex and Tom Cruise.
Shiva Sunshine (her real name she claims), who attended the gathering is quoted as saying, “I know I heard a lot of insane laughing from somewhere in the crowd. From what I know from YogaDawg, I would swear that it was him. Unfortunately, I never spotted him but there seem to be a lot of smiling faces from the direction of the laughter. But then who know? It might just have been the Yoga that got everyone smiling ”.
Is that YogaDawg in this photograph?
Friday, January 09, 2009
Monday, January 05, 2009
The YogaDawg List for 2009
Everything is in meltdown; housing, the economy, the polar ice caps; yogis are fleeing from yoga studios to hunker down in their homes for marathon sessions of yoga in an attempt to OM themselves from the chaos around them. The yoga mat is the last haven of safety from visions of an apocalyptic meltdown of civilization itself (Whew…).
High end yoga clothes and frivolous yoga stuff find their way into consignment shops and yard sales. Today’s hot new yoga fashion is 'fuggetabouit'. Target is the new Lululemon! Expensive organic, free range, yoga themed foods gives way to back-yard and balcony ‘yoga gardens’ spouting ‘real’ food. The hip new yoga mantra is,” less is more”.
But wait, there’s hope for 2009! All yogis Namaste for Obama to lead them from the economic Kali Yuga and save them from the abuses of the Yoga Industrial Complex. A yogic economic bailout is in the offering as the Yoga Progress Administration is initiated in the land. The most important thing to remember to do this year is to simply breathe….
Click here to take you to the list
Sunday, January 04, 2009
Iceland Adopts the Yogo
Bjork the Stork
For Yoga In Really Cold Places Magazine
In bankruptcy, Iceland is the first country to officially adopt the Yogo, the international yoga currency that has been slowly gaining acceptance with yogis worldwide. With food stocks down to 3 to 5 weeks, Iceland needs to quickly restore a proper foreign exchange market so importers can get back to normal business and avoid shortages, importers said on Wednesday.
Since the crisis broke out on the north Atlantic island of 300,000 people, involving the government taking over the top three banks, suppliers to Iceland have cut credit to importers. Some have also demanded pre-payment for goods. A possibility of real bread lines in the country, the prime minister called for drastic measures to stem the crisis.
“With the króna all but worthless, this Yogo is a good thing for Iceland”, said prime minister, Geir Haarde in a news conference. When asked why they would not accept a more formidable currency like the US dollar, the prime minister replied, “Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha …cough, cough …cough, cough, cough …………”, as he went into a coughing fit.
The Yogo is of importance because with the global yoga economy reaching 800 trillion (in Euros), the Yogo had begun being used worldwide as the devaluation of global currencies continue, effectively replacing the US dollar for all yoga transactions. No downturn in business, even a global recession, has put a dent in the demand for yoga classes. The Yogo was developed as a currency of exchange among practitioners of yoga as a stable currency.
Though in dire straits, Iceland is not yet ready to take the extreme measures that North Dakota proposed of renaming the entire state, Yoga, to attempt to stop the out flux of population from the state to warmer climates. The concept though was not lost on the yoga practitioners there. “Well, I would love to see yoga play a more prominent part in the economy of Iceland. I don’t want to go back to fishing and Yogaland really doesn’t sound so bad for the country”, commented Olafur Ragnar Grimsson, President of Iceland.
The One and Hundred Yogo Bills
For Yoga In Really Cold Places Magazine
In bankruptcy, Iceland is the first country to officially adopt the Yogo, the international yoga currency that has been slowly gaining acceptance with yogis worldwide. With food stocks down to 3 to 5 weeks, Iceland needs to quickly restore a proper foreign exchange market so importers can get back to normal business and avoid shortages, importers said on Wednesday.
Since the crisis broke out on the north Atlantic island of 300,000 people, involving the government taking over the top three banks, suppliers to Iceland have cut credit to importers. Some have also demanded pre-payment for goods. A possibility of real bread lines in the country, the prime minister called for drastic measures to stem the crisis.
“With the króna all but worthless, this Yogo is a good thing for Iceland”, said prime minister, Geir Haarde in a news conference. When asked why they would not accept a more formidable currency like the US dollar, the prime minister replied, “Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha …cough, cough …cough, cough, cough …………”, as he went into a coughing fit.
The Yogo is of importance because with the global yoga economy reaching 800 trillion (in Euros), the Yogo had begun being used worldwide as the devaluation of global currencies continue, effectively replacing the US dollar for all yoga transactions. No downturn in business, even a global recession, has put a dent in the demand for yoga classes. The Yogo was developed as a currency of exchange among practitioners of yoga as a stable currency.
Though in dire straits, Iceland is not yet ready to take the extreme measures that North Dakota proposed of renaming the entire state, Yoga, to attempt to stop the out flux of population from the state to warmer climates. The concept though was not lost on the yoga practitioners there. “Well, I would love to see yoga play a more prominent part in the economy of Iceland. I don’t want to go back to fishing and Yogaland really doesn’t sound so bad for the country”, commented Olafur Ragnar Grimsson, President of Iceland.
The One and Hundred Yogo Bills
Monday, December 29, 2008
Yoga News Special Report - First Chakra Transplant Performed
Zio Chang
For Yoga Medical News
The world's first chakra transplant was successfully carried out today by a team of 5 yoga teachers and several 200-hr teacher trained assistants at the Louisville General Yoga Studio, Kentucky.
The operation, which was led by studio owner Debbie Dean, was undertaken on an unnamed 54-year-old man. It took more than seven hours to complete. The donor Elsie, a 6-year-old heifer from Old McDonald's farm, had its Heart Chakra removed immediately after her death. It was rushed to the Yoga studio via Federal Express.
When questioned why the man needed a Chakra transplant versus a Chakra healing, Ms. Dean explained, "Look, this guy was turning into a grumpy old man whose piss poor attitude was upsetting everyone around him. When his wife first approached us, we thought Yoga would be enough to get a little joy out of him. But we were mistaken. We had decided that he needed some radical treatment".
Recovering well
Reading from a prepared statement on the steps of the Yoga studio, Ms. Dean said, "The patient, as far as we know, is satisfactory and recovering well". The man's wife reported that she thought she saw something like a smile on his face for the first time in 15 years. "It was kind of weak but that is to be expected since he hadn't smiled for so long". His reaction to the implant over the next 10 to 14 days is expected to be critical."
Ms. Dean, who was accompanied by the entire Chakra transplant team, said the operation lasted around two hours despite the fact they were working together for over seven hours. She added, "We expect the patient to begin sipping Mint Juleps and cheering for his favorite horse at the Kentucky Derby in a matter of months."
When asked why the Heart Chakra from a cow was used, Ms. Dean replied, "Well in India, the cow is sacred and it is well known that the cow Chakras are identical to those in the human being, so they can be transplanted". Ms. Dean was also asked if regular health insurance would cover a transplanted Chakra and she explained, "Not yet, but now that other Yoga studio owners see this as a new potential revenue stream, I'm sure that there will be a push to have this covered".
This current cost for a Chakra transplant range from $250 for the Root Chakra to $1,025 for the Crown Chakra.
Yoga patient undergoing a Chakra transplant
For Yoga Medical News
The world's first chakra transplant was successfully carried out today by a team of 5 yoga teachers and several 200-hr teacher trained assistants at the Louisville General Yoga Studio, Kentucky.
The operation, which was led by studio owner Debbie Dean, was undertaken on an unnamed 54-year-old man. It took more than seven hours to complete. The donor Elsie, a 6-year-old heifer from Old McDonald's farm, had its Heart Chakra removed immediately after her death. It was rushed to the Yoga studio via Federal Express.
When questioned why the man needed a Chakra transplant versus a Chakra healing, Ms. Dean explained, "Look, this guy was turning into a grumpy old man whose piss poor attitude was upsetting everyone around him. When his wife first approached us, we thought Yoga would be enough to get a little joy out of him. But we were mistaken. We had decided that he needed some radical treatment".
Recovering well
Reading from a prepared statement on the steps of the Yoga studio, Ms. Dean said, "The patient, as far as we know, is satisfactory and recovering well". The man's wife reported that she thought she saw something like a smile on his face for the first time in 15 years. "It was kind of weak but that is to be expected since he hadn't smiled for so long". His reaction to the implant over the next 10 to 14 days is expected to be critical."
Ms. Dean, who was accompanied by the entire Chakra transplant team, said the operation lasted around two hours despite the fact they were working together for over seven hours. She added, "We expect the patient to begin sipping Mint Juleps and cheering for his favorite horse at the Kentucky Derby in a matter of months."
When asked why the Heart Chakra from a cow was used, Ms. Dean replied, "Well in India, the cow is sacred and it is well known that the cow Chakras are identical to those in the human being, so they can be transplanted". Ms. Dean was also asked if regular health insurance would cover a transplanted Chakra and she explained, "Not yet, but now that other Yoga studio owners see this as a new potential revenue stream, I'm sure that there will be a push to have this covered".
This current cost for a Chakra transplant range from $250 for the Root Chakra to $1,025 for the Crown Chakra.
Yoga patient undergoing a Chakra transplant
Friday, December 26, 2008
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
The Pose - A Holiday Tale
It happened in a Saturday morning yoga class. Exhausted from preparations for the holidays, the yogi was looking forward to a yoga session. During a particular pose, the yogi closed his eyes, felt a calm awareness and was surprised to find he was perfectly aligned. That had never happened before as he was a novice at yoga.
As he continued to hold the pose, the students around him smiled as they admired its perfect alignment. The teacher stopped teaching the class to study the pose and called other yogis into the studio to show it to them. As word spread, yogis from other studios gathered around to admire it also. All seemed to agree that they had never seen a pose done with such poise.
Those studying the pose became more flexible, felt happier; more alive. Wrinkles disappeared; digestion improved; aches and pains were relieved while glass jaws, rope burns, paper cuts, blackheads, spring fever, homesickness, halitosis, corns, bunions, warts, the heebie-jeebies, shyness, unexplained weeping, in-grown toenails and gunshot wounds were all mysteriously cured.
As word of the pose passed from yogi to yogi, it became the number one discussion on yoga blogs and websites. Photos of the pose were scanned, faxed, emailed, made into posters and appeared on billboards. It was featured on the six o’clock news. The pose made the cover of Yoga Journal and the magazine renamed itself, “The Pose”, shortly thereafter. Famous yoga stars started making yoga videos, writing yoga books and offering yoga workshops about the pose. The pose began to be referred to as “The Pose”.
Novelists incorporated The Pose into their books. A famous author penned a pivotal work titled “The Perfect Pose” which went on to become the best selling novel of all time. The novel was made into a movie; the movie was adapted to a one act play; the play was made into a musical which gave way to a major opera called “La Pose”. This made the Italians very happy. Consequently, ancient yoga texts were rewritten to include The Pose. Yoga scholars discussed it in new commentaries on said ancient texts and new scholarly works were written about it.
The Pose enabled people to sleep peacefully through the night (without snoring), charm cobras, leap buildings in a single bound, acquire untold wealth and speak fluent Sanskrit and Swahili. They also gained the ability to compose complex jazz melodies while walking in the park.
The Pose went on to win the Nobel Peace Prize for physics, a Heisman Trophy, an Oscar for best supporting actress and was awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor by the President of the United States. A small pacific island nation changed its name to the Island of Pose, (Subsequently becoming the most prosperous nation on the face of the earth by offering workshops and conferences to teach The Pose to yogis around the world).
Endangered species began to reproduce rapidly, rescuing them from extinction. The lamb lay next to the lion and leprechauns were seen riding on unicorns. The sun always shined; the plants were always watered; the dog was always walked; the hole is the ozone was closed.
All creatures on the earth sang along to the Music of the Spheres; Gabriel blew his horn and the Sirens chanted hallelujah! Energy became unlimited and non-polluting; the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse got off their horses to practice The Pose…and…
As the yogi opened his eyes and came out of the pose, he remarked to himself, “I sure wish I was better at this yoga stuff…”
As he continued to hold the pose, the students around him smiled as they admired its perfect alignment. The teacher stopped teaching the class to study the pose and called other yogis into the studio to show it to them. As word spread, yogis from other studios gathered around to admire it also. All seemed to agree that they had never seen a pose done with such poise.
Those studying the pose became more flexible, felt happier; more alive. Wrinkles disappeared; digestion improved; aches and pains were relieved while glass jaws, rope burns, paper cuts, blackheads, spring fever, homesickness, halitosis, corns, bunions, warts, the heebie-jeebies, shyness, unexplained weeping, in-grown toenails and gunshot wounds were all mysteriously cured.
As word of the pose passed from yogi to yogi, it became the number one discussion on yoga blogs and websites. Photos of the pose were scanned, faxed, emailed, made into posters and appeared on billboards. It was featured on the six o’clock news. The pose made the cover of Yoga Journal and the magazine renamed itself, “The Pose”, shortly thereafter. Famous yoga stars started making yoga videos, writing yoga books and offering yoga workshops about the pose. The pose began to be referred to as “The Pose”.
Novelists incorporated The Pose into their books. A famous author penned a pivotal work titled “The Perfect Pose” which went on to become the best selling novel of all time. The novel was made into a movie; the movie was adapted to a one act play; the play was made into a musical which gave way to a major opera called “La Pose”. This made the Italians very happy. Consequently, ancient yoga texts were rewritten to include The Pose. Yoga scholars discussed it in new commentaries on said ancient texts and new scholarly works were written about it.
The Pose enabled people to sleep peacefully through the night (without snoring), charm cobras, leap buildings in a single bound, acquire untold wealth and speak fluent Sanskrit and Swahili. They also gained the ability to compose complex jazz melodies while walking in the park.
The Pose went on to win the Nobel Peace Prize for physics, a Heisman Trophy, an Oscar for best supporting actress and was awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor by the President of the United States. A small pacific island nation changed its name to the Island of Pose, (Subsequently becoming the most prosperous nation on the face of the earth by offering workshops and conferences to teach The Pose to yogis around the world).
Endangered species began to reproduce rapidly, rescuing them from extinction. The lamb lay next to the lion and leprechauns were seen riding on unicorns. The sun always shined; the plants were always watered; the dog was always walked; the hole is the ozone was closed.
All creatures on the earth sang along to the Music of the Spheres; Gabriel blew his horn and the Sirens chanted hallelujah! Energy became unlimited and non-polluting; the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse got off their horses to practice The Pose…and…
As the yogi opened his eyes and came out of the pose, he remarked to himself, “I sure wish I was better at this yoga stuff…”
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Paparazzi Snap YogaDawg
Missy Enders
For Yoga Entertainment Today
The Yoga world is abuzz with the news that the paparazzi have snapped several pix of the elusive and controversial Guru YogaDawg practicing Yoga. In the past, using advanced Yogic Siddhas, YogaDawg has managed to elude the paparazzi by walking through walls, levitating out windows or completely disappearing before his picture could be snapped. Though these pictures are fuzzy, they are believed to be the real deal.
Reactions to the photos seem to run along the lines of surprise, delight and awe. Jackie Seng, a Yoga student, summed it up best, “I nearly fainted when I saw the photos, YogaDawg is hotter then we ever imagined. My girlfriends and I have been walking around in a daze all week. We also noticed that our Yoga has improved substantially. We love those cool hand mudras that he's using ”.
When Romey Satcha, President of the Council Against the Deformation of Yoga was asked to comment on this story, his reaction was, “What is this BS? Doesn’t anyone see that this is a blatant attempt to sell his stupid t-shirts? This guy is a menace to Yoga”!
For Yoga Entertainment Today
The Yoga world is abuzz with the news that the paparazzi have snapped several pix of the elusive and controversial Guru YogaDawg practicing Yoga. In the past, using advanced Yogic Siddhas, YogaDawg has managed to elude the paparazzi by walking through walls, levitating out windows or completely disappearing before his picture could be snapped. Though these pictures are fuzzy, they are believed to be the real deal.
Reactions to the photos seem to run along the lines of surprise, delight and awe. Jackie Seng, a Yoga student, summed it up best, “I nearly fainted when I saw the photos, YogaDawg is hotter then we ever imagined. My girlfriends and I have been walking around in a daze all week. We also noticed that our Yoga has improved substantially. We love those cool hand mudras that he's using ”.
When Romey Satcha, President of the Council Against the Deformation of Yoga was asked to comment on this story, his reaction was, “What is this BS? Doesn’t anyone see that this is a blatant attempt to sell his stupid t-shirts? This guy is a menace to Yoga”!
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Yoga News - New California Yoga Ad Campaign
Wise Cracks
For Yoga Industrial Marketing and Merchandising Complex Magazine
With the slogan, "We’re nuts!", the Yoga Alliance of Real California Yoga Stars (YARCYS) has launched an integrated marketing campaign called 'Real California Yoga Nuts'. The campaign came about as it had become obvious that increasing numbers of Yoga Stars are being recognized in places other than California. This has resulted in reduced revenues for these California Yoga Stars, as increasing numbers of Yoga videos, merchandise, workshops and conferences are being produced outside the state. This campaign has brought together California Yoga Stars in a temporary truce in their on-going quest for Yoga fame and ultimate supremacy.
With the mass-market Yoga advertising bombardment of consumers, most people now accept that Yoga is a natural and healthy form of exercise. However, YARCYS feels that consumers need to be reminded of Real California Yoga or as spokesyogini Ana Forrest (famous American Yoga Star) put it, "...us California Yoga Nuts. We have a long tradition of Yoga here in California and we want to make sure the rest of the country and world does not forget this".
Another member of YARCYS, Shiva Rae (another famous American Yoga Star), explained the need for the California Yoga ad campaign, "Well, you know we were trying to outshine each other in our California Yogahood but seem to have lost sight that others outside the state were becoming famous and all that. I think it hurt all of us when we learned that they actually have Yoga studios in places like Iowa and Oklahoma!" The governors of those two states when asked for comments both replied along the lines of, "Nuts indeed…!"
New logo for the Yoga Alliance of Real California Yoga Stars
For Yoga Industrial Marketing and Merchandising Complex Magazine
With the slogan, "We’re nuts!", the Yoga Alliance of Real California Yoga Stars (YARCYS) has launched an integrated marketing campaign called 'Real California Yoga Nuts'. The campaign came about as it had become obvious that increasing numbers of Yoga Stars are being recognized in places other than California. This has resulted in reduced revenues for these California Yoga Stars, as increasing numbers of Yoga videos, merchandise, workshops and conferences are being produced outside the state. This campaign has brought together California Yoga Stars in a temporary truce in their on-going quest for Yoga fame and ultimate supremacy.
With the mass-market Yoga advertising bombardment of consumers, most people now accept that Yoga is a natural and healthy form of exercise. However, YARCYS feels that consumers need to be reminded of Real California Yoga or as spokesyogini Ana Forrest (famous American Yoga Star) put it, "...us California Yoga Nuts. We have a long tradition of Yoga here in California and we want to make sure the rest of the country and world does not forget this".
Another member of YARCYS, Shiva Rae (another famous American Yoga Star), explained the need for the California Yoga ad campaign, "Well, you know we were trying to outshine each other in our California Yogahood but seem to have lost sight that others outside the state were becoming famous and all that. I think it hurt all of us when we learned that they actually have Yoga studios in places like Iowa and Oklahoma!" The governors of those two states when asked for comments both replied along the lines of, "Nuts indeed…!"
New logo for the Yoga Alliance of Real California Yoga Stars
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Friday, November 07, 2008
Sunday, November 02, 2008
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Friday, October 17, 2008
Free Yoga Mats
The Yoga Liberation Front demands Free Yoga Mats for the unemployed NOW! Support a bailout for yogis!!
Monday, October 13, 2008
Thursday, October 09, 2008
Saturday, October 04, 2008
Friday, July 04, 2008
Yoga News - The YogaDawg Blog is Suspended
This blog has been suspended due to complaints about inappropriate Yoga content by concerned Yogis, official Yoga organizations, Yoga Stars and the country of India.
The Organization for True Yoga, the Center for Yoga Seriousness and the Yoga Alliance against the Deformation of Yoga have accused YogaDawg with crimes against Yoga including the blatant attempt at undermining the seriousness of Yoga. These organizations claim that too many Yogis have begun laughing during Yoga classes which YogaDawg have actively encouraged them to do. The Ashtanga and Iyengar schools are especially disturbed by these “damn laughing Yogis.”
Meanwhile, the newly created U.S. Department of Yoga have accused the “My Third Eye Itches” blog with undermining the Yoga economy of the United States by encouraging Yogis to stay home to surf the YogaDawg web site and in the process to start a home practise instead of contributing to the Yoga economy by buying bulk Yoga class passes, Yoga mats and clothes, Yoga conferences, Yoga cruises, Yoga magazine subscriptions and CDs of creepy Yoga music. In addition, YogaDawg is being pursued by the U.S. Department of Yoga Injustice for running an irreverent Yoga contest and trying to sell crappy t-shirts through his alleged money-laundering operation in Largos, Nigeria.
Several unnamed Yoga Stars have joined in a call for the complete shutdown of the YogaDawg blog and website claiming liable and deformation of character. They have reported a drop in revenues from their Yoga kingdoms and queendoms due to the seditious nature of YogaDawg’s so called “Yoga humor” on the site. Tom Cruise is rumored to support this action due to YogaDawg’s refusal to sell him a YogaDawg t-shirt.
Note: YogaDawg could not be located for comment. It appears that he has vanished even though there have been unconfirmed sightings of him, hanging out with Buddha and Elvis, in Las Vegas topless bars and New York City jazz clubs.
(Psst...for more really good funny shit, go here. Just don't let you-know-who know)
The Organization for True Yoga, the Center for Yoga Seriousness and the Yoga Alliance against the Deformation of Yoga have accused YogaDawg with crimes against Yoga including the blatant attempt at undermining the seriousness of Yoga. These organizations claim that too many Yogis have begun laughing during Yoga classes which YogaDawg have actively encouraged them to do. The Ashtanga and Iyengar schools are especially disturbed by these “damn laughing Yogis.”
Meanwhile, the newly created U.S. Department of Yoga have accused the “My Third Eye Itches” blog with undermining the Yoga economy of the United States by encouraging Yogis to stay home to surf the YogaDawg web site and in the process to start a home practise instead of contributing to the Yoga economy by buying bulk Yoga class passes, Yoga mats and clothes, Yoga conferences, Yoga cruises, Yoga magazine subscriptions and CDs of creepy Yoga music. In addition, YogaDawg is being pursued by the U.S. Department of Yoga Injustice for running an irreverent Yoga contest and trying to sell crappy t-shirts through his alleged money-laundering operation in Largos, Nigeria.
Several unnamed Yoga Stars have joined in a call for the complete shutdown of the YogaDawg blog and website claiming liable and deformation of character. They have reported a drop in revenues from their Yoga kingdoms and queendoms due to the seditious nature of YogaDawg’s so called “Yoga humor” on the site. Tom Cruise is rumored to support this action due to YogaDawg’s refusal to sell him a YogaDawg t-shirt.
Note: YogaDawg could not be located for comment. It appears that he has vanished even though there have been unconfirmed sightings of him, hanging out with Buddha and Elvis, in Las Vegas topless bars and New York City jazz clubs.
(Psst...for more really good funny shit, go here. Just don't let you-know-who know)
Sunday, May 11, 2008
YogaDawg Spotted in New Jersey
Barnacle Bill
For Beach Yoga News
YogaDawg, the renegade yogi and yoga fugitive (see Where is YogaDawg ) was recently spotted in Ship Bottom aka Long Beach Island aka In The Middle of No Where aka Where the Fuck Am I, New Jersey.
Allegedly having been caught on video on two separate occasions, it is now suspected that YogaDawg is using a network of yoga studio ‘safe-houses’ that harbors known yoga humorists and yogi satirists. One of the videos, shot from a surveillance camera from the front of the Shore Nuff Diner (not to be confused with the Shore Fine Diner, a block north or the Shore’s Dandy Diner, a block south) , catches a shadowy figure entering a yoga studio in this small New Jersey shore town. When the owner of this yoga studio was confronted by a reporter from the local paper, “The Oh Shore”, about whether this was the wanted fugitive YogaDawg, she replied, “I ain’t talkin”. When pressed that her studio hosted a presentation that very day by Edward Clark (another yoga funny man, yoga master and creator of the brilliant yoga comedy, Kill the Guru), the “Insects”, she replied, “Yea right. What are ya', some kinda' comedian?”
Surveillance camera catches a mysterious figure entering a yoga studo that some claim is the yoga fugitive, Guru YogaDawg
In the meantime, another video has surfaced that shows the same shadowy figure walking the beach earlier in the day which was accidently caught by a vacationer. Coming forward, this vacationer, Joey Banafano, said of the video, “Well, you know I was shooting videos of the babes on the beach when this dude in black walked by and he did this really weird thing. When I showed it to my wife, who does yoga by the way, she said, “My God, I think that's the fugitive YogaDawg and that’s not a weird thing he’s doing, that’s a half sun salute”. She convinced me to turn over the video to the "Organization Against Yoga Slander" who had a ransom on his head for like 5 bucks ;so I turned the video over to them; what am I stupid? Hey, by the way you want to buy a Rolex. Check out these gold chains…”
Is this Guru YogaDawg seen on the beach doing a Sun Salutation?
Background Note: YogaDawg aka Guru YogaDawg aka Sri Sri Swami Baba Guru YogaDawg has established a radical yoga organization called YIPS (Yoga Is Phunny Shit) after his yoga blog was suspended due to complaints by “conservative yoga associations”, yoga stars and Tom Cruise. Previous attempts by YogaDawg to establish a yoga organization, such as his YISVW (Yoga Is So Very Weird), had failed to catch on because, as some yogis have explained, “That organization just wasn’t that funny”.
For Beach Yoga News
YogaDawg, the renegade yogi and yoga fugitive (see Where is YogaDawg ) was recently spotted in Ship Bottom aka Long Beach Island aka In The Middle of No Where aka Where the Fuck Am I, New Jersey.
Allegedly having been caught on video on two separate occasions, it is now suspected that YogaDawg is using a network of yoga studio ‘safe-houses’ that harbors known yoga humorists and yogi satirists. One of the videos, shot from a surveillance camera from the front of the Shore Nuff Diner (not to be confused with the Shore Fine Diner, a block north or the Shore’s Dandy Diner, a block south) , catches a shadowy figure entering a yoga studio in this small New Jersey shore town. When the owner of this yoga studio was confronted by a reporter from the local paper, “The Oh Shore”, about whether this was the wanted fugitive YogaDawg, she replied, “I ain’t talkin”. When pressed that her studio hosted a presentation that very day by Edward Clark (another yoga funny man, yoga master and creator of the brilliant yoga comedy, Kill the Guru), the “Insects”, she replied, “Yea right. What are ya', some kinda' comedian?”
Surveillance camera catches a mysterious figure entering a yoga studo that some claim is the yoga fugitive, Guru YogaDawg
In the meantime, another video has surfaced that shows the same shadowy figure walking the beach earlier in the day which was accidently caught by a vacationer. Coming forward, this vacationer, Joey Banafano, said of the video, “Well, you know I was shooting videos of the babes on the beach when this dude in black walked by and he did this really weird thing. When I showed it to my wife, who does yoga by the way, she said, “My God, I think that's the fugitive YogaDawg and that’s not a weird thing he’s doing, that’s a half sun salute”. She convinced me to turn over the video to the "Organization Against Yoga Slander" who had a ransom on his head for like 5 bucks ;so I turned the video over to them; what am I stupid? Hey, by the way you want to buy a Rolex. Check out these gold chains…”
Is this Guru YogaDawg seen on the beach doing a Sun Salutation?
Background Note: YogaDawg aka Guru YogaDawg aka Sri Sri Swami Baba Guru YogaDawg has established a radical yoga organization called YIPS (Yoga Is Phunny Shit) after his yoga blog was suspended due to complaints by “conservative yoga associations”, yoga stars and Tom Cruise. Previous attempts by YogaDawg to establish a yoga organization, such as his YISVW (Yoga Is So Very Weird), had failed to catch on because, as some yogis have explained, “That organization just wasn’t that funny”.
Friday, May 09, 2008
Yoga News - Where is YogaDawg
Frank Zappato
For Yoga World News Report
The Yoga world is a little grimmer this week with the suspension of the fresh, funny and controversial Yoga blog, “My Third Eye Itches”. A coalition of Yoga organizations, Yoga Stars and even Tom Cruise, has apparently persuaded Yoga blogging interests to suspend operation of the blog. According to the notice posted on “My Third Eye Itches”, Sri Sri Baba Swami GuruYogaDawg, the brains behind the blog, has offended the Yoga establishment with his wry comments, keen observations and patent dismissal of the Yoga-Industrial-Complex.
While some in the Yoga community are citing a “vast conservative Yoga conspiracy”, other are convinced this all stems out of the fact that Tom Cruise masterminded this attempt to silence the YogaDawg blog. It appears that there has been a long time festering wound that continues to be chaffed with each attempt by Mr. Cruise to purchase a YogaDawg t-shirt. Though the two disciples at the non-profit YogaDawg foundation appear incredulous at this suggestion, they nevertheless feel that some sort of feud among serious Yogis has resulted in punitive action against the blog.
Meanwhile, the whereabouts of YogaDawg are unknown. His disappearing has sparked a massive dawg-hunt in the hopes of locating this most elusive and controversial Yoga writer. There have been unsubstantiated reports of YogaDawg being seen wandering among the sadhus in Tibet and being seen with Elvis in a Las Vegas nightclub. YogaDawg’s last confirmed sighting was on Apr 19th. Accompanied by a well known Yoga socialite and blogger, YogaDawg had attended a Kirtan at a Washington, DC Yoga studio. Kirtan master David Newman was seen having a spirited exchange with YogaDawg but refuses to comment on what was discussed.
Several major publications are posing the question, “Where is YogaDawg”?
For Yoga World News Report
The Yoga world is a little grimmer this week with the suspension of the fresh, funny and controversial Yoga blog, “My Third Eye Itches”. A coalition of Yoga organizations, Yoga Stars and even Tom Cruise, has apparently persuaded Yoga blogging interests to suspend operation of the blog. According to the notice posted on “My Third Eye Itches”, Sri Sri Baba Swami GuruYogaDawg, the brains behind the blog, has offended the Yoga establishment with his wry comments, keen observations and patent dismissal of the Yoga-Industrial-Complex.
While some in the Yoga community are citing a “vast conservative Yoga conspiracy”, other are convinced this all stems out of the fact that Tom Cruise masterminded this attempt to silence the YogaDawg blog. It appears that there has been a long time festering wound that continues to be chaffed with each attempt by Mr. Cruise to purchase a YogaDawg t-shirt. Though the two disciples at the non-profit YogaDawg foundation appear incredulous at this suggestion, they nevertheless feel that some sort of feud among serious Yogis has resulted in punitive action against the blog.
Meanwhile, the whereabouts of YogaDawg are unknown. His disappearing has sparked a massive dawg-hunt in the hopes of locating this most elusive and controversial Yoga writer. There have been unsubstantiated reports of YogaDawg being seen wandering among the sadhus in Tibet and being seen with Elvis in a Las Vegas nightclub. YogaDawg’s last confirmed sighting was on Apr 19th. Accompanied by a well known Yoga socialite and blogger, YogaDawg had attended a Kirtan at a Washington, DC Yoga studio. Kirtan master David Newman was seen having a spirited exchange with YogaDawg but refuses to comment on what was discussed.
Several major publications are posing the question, “Where is YogaDawg”?
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Yoga News - Iyengar to Buy Ashtanga for $16.5B
Mark Jones
For Yoga Economic News
In a move that is hoped to finally bring peace and healing to the fractured Yoga world, Iyengar Yoga has agreed to buy Ashtanga Yoga in a $16.5 billion deal that will create the world's largest Yoga School. This historic merging of the two styles will close the schism that was created many decades ago when the founders drifted in separate directions. Though both claimed to be doing the "True Yoga" (both had been taught by the same Yoga master), it had led to much strife, name calling, back stabbing, grand standing and show boating among the teachers and students of each style.
The new Yoga School, which will be called Iyentanga (trading symbol IYGA), will be the world's largest Yoga School with $16.6 trillion in assets mainly from Yoga props. BKS Iyengar, founder and chief executive of Iyengar Yoga, will serve as executive chairman of Iyentanga, with overall responsibility for the integration of the two Yoga Schools. Madonna was given the nod to serve as chief executive officer of the new combined School. Mr. Iyengar acknowledged her brilliant 'acting' of Yoga in her films and what nots. Geeta Iyengar will be in charge of getting the Ashtangis to stop their loud Ujjayi breathing during class and quit all that jumping around from pose to pose that they are known for.
When asked if Iyengar was going to acquire any other Yoga Schools, Mr. Iyengar mentioned that both the Jivamukti and Anusara schools looked tempting.
In the meantime, Sharath, head of the Ashtanga School of Yoga, when asked about his current plans, said "I'm are going to relax on the beach at Goa and watch the babes for awhile. I'm kind of tired from all those jump throughs and jump backs after all these years." It has been reported that Sharath is contemplating his next venture. "I'm are looking at Pilates very closely."
For Yoga Economic News
In a move that is hoped to finally bring peace and healing to the fractured Yoga world, Iyengar Yoga has agreed to buy Ashtanga Yoga in a $16.5 billion deal that will create the world's largest Yoga School. This historic merging of the two styles will close the schism that was created many decades ago when the founders drifted in separate directions. Though both claimed to be doing the "True Yoga" (both had been taught by the same Yoga master), it had led to much strife, name calling, back stabbing, grand standing and show boating among the teachers and students of each style.
The new Yoga School, which will be called Iyentanga (trading symbol IYGA), will be the world's largest Yoga School with $16.6 trillion in assets mainly from Yoga props. BKS Iyengar, founder and chief executive of Iyengar Yoga, will serve as executive chairman of Iyentanga, with overall responsibility for the integration of the two Yoga Schools. Madonna was given the nod to serve as chief executive officer of the new combined School. Mr. Iyengar acknowledged her brilliant 'acting' of Yoga in her films and what nots. Geeta Iyengar will be in charge of getting the Ashtangis to stop their loud Ujjayi breathing during class and quit all that jumping around from pose to pose that they are known for.
When asked if Iyengar was going to acquire any other Yoga Schools, Mr. Iyengar mentioned that both the Jivamukti and Anusara schools looked tempting.
In the meantime, Sharath, head of the Ashtanga School of Yoga, when asked about his current plans, said "I'm are going to relax on the beach at Goa and watch the babes for awhile. I'm kind of tired from all those jump throughs and jump backs after all these years." It has been reported that Sharath is contemplating his next venture. "I'm are looking at Pilates very closely."
Friday, April 25, 2008
Yoga News - Baron Flies
Jona Macivelli
For Yoga Flight News
Baron Baptiste, famed American Yoga Star, announced a new asana today that he calls the Super Fly. This asana allegedly allows the Yoga practitioner to fly around the Yoga studio.
Sources close to Mr. Baptiste explained that this new pose was in reaction to the pose called the Bumblebee discovered by Guru YogaDawg on a banana leaf found in the basement of the Baltimore Public Library and included in his SuperDuperBlissInducer Super Bok Choy Series (See Yoga Lifts Off). The pose has enabled some Yogis to lift off their Yoga mats during Yoga classes.
Mr. Baptiste remarked “That Bumblebee pose ain’t nothing. Not only will the Super Fly have the Yogi flying around the studio, but the advanced position will have them walking on the ceiling”.
It is rumored that there is a buzzing sound that the Yogi makes at the back of the throat while practicing the pose.
Baron Baptiste flying over Singapore
For Yoga Flight News
Baron Baptiste, famed American Yoga Star, announced a new asana today that he calls the Super Fly. This asana allegedly allows the Yoga practitioner to fly around the Yoga studio.
Sources close to Mr. Baptiste explained that this new pose was in reaction to the pose called the Bumblebee discovered by Guru YogaDawg on a banana leaf found in the basement of the Baltimore Public Library and included in his SuperDuperBlissInducer Super Bok Choy Series (See Yoga Lifts Off). The pose has enabled some Yogis to lift off their Yoga mats during Yoga classes.
Mr. Baptiste remarked “That Bumblebee pose ain’t nothing. Not only will the Super Fly have the Yogi flying around the studio, but the advanced position will have them walking on the ceiling”.
It is rumored that there is a buzzing sound that the Yogi makes at the back of the throat while practicing the pose.
Baron Baptiste flying over Singapore
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Yoga Mats - Introduction
The Yoga mat is your most valuable piece of Yoga gear, so as a Yoga student, you must choose wisely which one you will purchase. The Yoga mat will be your Yoga home away from home and even in your home. You might be tempted to use a mat provided by the studio, but YogaDawg advises against this as they are very nasty things, and they tend to be very smelly and disgusting. They really should be lining dog kennels instead of being practiced on. If you do insist on using these because you don't believe anything written in My Third Eye Itches – A Yogic Guide or are too cheap, then be prepared to develop funky skin rashes, warts, boils and lesions on your feet, hands and face.
With Yoga mats now available everywhere from trendy coffee shops to upscale bars and saloons as well as in gas stations and even from those guys selling umbrellas and fake watches on the street corner, your selection options can be overwhelming. YogaDawg will describe the mats currently available from the GreatTranscendentalYoga Superstore to make your mat buying experience easy and pleasant. These Yoga mats are all branded with the cool GreatTranscendentalYoga Superstore logo which will instantly establish your credibility as a serious Yogi in any studio, world wide, as you roll it out in your next class.
With Yoga mats now available everywhere from trendy coffee shops to upscale bars and saloons as well as in gas stations and even from those guys selling umbrellas and fake watches on the street corner, your selection options can be overwhelming. YogaDawg will describe the mats currently available from the GreatTranscendentalYoga Superstore to make your mat buying experience easy and pleasant. These Yoga mats are all branded with the cool GreatTranscendentalYoga Superstore logo which will instantly establish your credibility as a serious Yogi in any studio, world wide, as you roll it out in your next class.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Revenue Soars - YogaDawg Foundation
Maria Bartiromo
For Yoga Economic News
Upon release of the prestigious Yoga eBook My Third Eye Itches - A Yogic Guide award, the non-profit YogaDawg Foundation reports that revenues have soared. “Dang, we actually sold our first two eBooks on the same day”, commented MadDawg, the huband of HotDawg (formally Born and Maiden America) who are the two disciples of Guru YogaDawg. When asked how much revenue was made, MadDawg replied, “Six dollars and 26 cents ”.
MadDawg said that the two YogaDawg eBooks were shipped to the Jivamukti Yoga studio in New York. “We are pretty sure they are for David Life and Sharon Gannon as they had the name of John and Jane Yoga on the shipping label. Obviously proxy buyers for those two.” When asked why the founders of Jivamukti Yoga would want to buy the YogaDawg eBooks (since they have written several Yoga books of their own), MadDawg replied, “Well, it’s pretty obvious that the highfalutin Jivamukti Yoga juggernaut is feeling threatened by the spiritual and advanced nature of the YogaDawg eBook and are assessing the danger they present by examining the real deal.” He added, “It’s like Bill Gates buying up smaller software companies that he deems a threat to his empire”. “Oh”, said this reporter.
When asked how the YogaDawg Foundation was going to apply the revenue to further its mission, HotDawg, the lovely wife of MadDawg, replied, “Well, we haven’t decided yet. Let’s just say that for now we have been enjoying a better brand of dog food”.
For Yoga Economic News
Upon release of the prestigious Yoga eBook My Third Eye Itches - A Yogic Guide award, the non-profit YogaDawg Foundation reports that revenues have soared. “Dang, we actually sold our first two eBooks on the same day”, commented MadDawg, the huband of HotDawg (formally Born and Maiden America) who are the two disciples of Guru YogaDawg. When asked how much revenue was made, MadDawg replied, “Six dollars and 26 cents ”.
MadDawg said that the two YogaDawg eBooks were shipped to the Jivamukti Yoga studio in New York. “We are pretty sure they are for David Life and Sharon Gannon as they had the name of John and Jane Yoga on the shipping label. Obviously proxy buyers for those two.” When asked why the founders of Jivamukti Yoga would want to buy the YogaDawg eBooks (since they have written several Yoga books of their own), MadDawg replied, “Well, it’s pretty obvious that the highfalutin Jivamukti Yoga juggernaut is feeling threatened by the spiritual and advanced nature of the YogaDawg eBook and are assessing the danger they present by examining the real deal.” He added, “It’s like Bill Gates buying up smaller software companies that he deems a threat to his empire”. “Oh”, said this reporter.
When asked how the YogaDawg Foundation was going to apply the revenue to further its mission, HotDawg, the lovely wife of MadDawg, replied, “Well, we haven’t decided yet. Let’s just say that for now we have been enjoying a better brand of dog food”.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Yoga Mats - Standard Yoga Mat
Our bottom-line mat is made from recycled PVC pipes, plastic shopping bags and flotsam and jetsam washed up on the beaches of New Jersey. They are made by imprisoned political dissidents from labor camps in China as well as select sweat shops in Central America and Brooklyn. The Standard Yoga Mat comes in one color only, brown (or slight variation depending on the color of the debris it is made from). Though slightly smelly and which has a tendency to disintegrate when exposed to sweat and leaves mat droppings on the studio floor after each use, you will nonetheless feel like a real yogi as you now own your very own Yoga mat.
Note: Some have reported vile reactions in people who may be sensitive to Industrial wastes, carbonvynalflouride and/or chemical and biological hazards.
Extra Thick Standard Yoga Mat
Same as above, only thicker.
Note: Some have reported vile reactions in people who may be sensitive to Industrial wastes, carbonvynalflouride and/or chemical and biological hazards.
Extra Thick Standard Yoga Mat
Same as above, only thicker.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Yoga Mats - The 'It Ain't Lavender' Men's Yoga Mat
Designed by Earl of San Antonio, this mat is crafted with the male Yogi in mind. With a saw dust surface and the smell of dirty gym socks, this mat will make the practice of Yoga a true pleasure. Most exciting of all, it comes in real men's colors (no need to be embarrassed by those fem pastel color mats any longer). Colors include:
Moldy Mayo
Month-Old Sheets
Piss n Vinegar
Bathtub Ring
Pistolwhipped Peacock
Strip Club Floor
Greasy T-Shirt
Moldy Mayo
Month-Old Sheets
Piss n Vinegar
Bathtub Ring
Pistolwhipped Peacock
Strip Club Floor
Greasy T-Shirt
Friday, April 11, 2008
New Yoga School is a Yawn
Tudy Smikanoff
For New Yoga Style Journal
What started out as a rogue Yoga movement, zBest Yoga has taken the Yoga world by storm or as some might say, by yawn. The brain-child of Guru-Z, a former Sheboygan, Wisconsin plumber turned Yoga guru, zBest Yoga is the latest entry in the crowded Yoga scene. Capitalizing on an aspect of Yoga practice that Guru-Z claims is one of the most popular among Yoga students of all strips and disciplines, zBest Yoga consists entirely of laying on a Yoga mat, in a comfortable position, with eyes closed for an entire 90 minute session.
Though this new Yoga style might seem a bit ‘light-weight’ to Yoga students that practice a more vigorous style of Yoga such as Ashtanga; students nonetheless have been flocking to zBest Yoga studios in increasing numbers. “We are seeing students who have hurt themselves doing Ashtanga or who have become bored silly with Iynegar”, commented Guru-Z in a recent interview.
Explaining his method of Yoga, Guru-Z recounted how he had reached inner peace or nirvana in a yoga class. “Well, you see, my wife suggested I go to one of her Yoga classes, which I thought was the stupidest idea she ever had; and believe me, she had a lot of those. Anyway, I realized that all that crazy crap they were doing was pretty whacked. And don’t get me started on the mumbo-jumbo that went on in that class. That teacher was talking shit in another language or something.”
Guru-Z when on to mentioned that his moment of Enlightenment came when at the end of the class, the students laid on their backs in a final pose known as Savasana. “Well, let me tell you, I had the best snooze ever. My wife told me I embarrassed her because I was snoring up a storm. But I tell you, when she finally kicked me in the head at the end of pose, I felt great. It was then and there that I decided to start zBest Yoga.
Like other Yoga classes this one starts off with a chant. While other styles of Yoga might use the sound of Om, a typical class starts with a chant that sounds a lot like snoring. Students are encouraged to be inventive and loud as Guru-Z believed this sets up the next stage in the process known as the 'Great Yawning'. “This is the gateway between earthly existence and transcendental bliss,” the Guru explained. As observed by current students of the method, this yawing is a contagious function that usually goes on for several minutes. The final phase of the zBest Yoga method finds the students on there backs in what appears to be a suspended state of trance. Though an objective observer might claim that the students are really sleeping with all the snoring, drooling and occasional passing of gas, Guru-Z claims that this is Yoga.
A zBest Yoga class
For New Yoga Style Journal
What started out as a rogue Yoga movement, zBest Yoga has taken the Yoga world by storm or as some might say, by yawn. The brain-child of Guru-Z, a former Sheboygan, Wisconsin plumber turned Yoga guru, zBest Yoga is the latest entry in the crowded Yoga scene. Capitalizing on an aspect of Yoga practice that Guru-Z claims is one of the most popular among Yoga students of all strips and disciplines, zBest Yoga consists entirely of laying on a Yoga mat, in a comfortable position, with eyes closed for an entire 90 minute session.
Though this new Yoga style might seem a bit ‘light-weight’ to Yoga students that practice a more vigorous style of Yoga such as Ashtanga; students nonetheless have been flocking to zBest Yoga studios in increasing numbers. “We are seeing students who have hurt themselves doing Ashtanga or who have become bored silly with Iynegar”, commented Guru-Z in a recent interview.
Explaining his method of Yoga, Guru-Z recounted how he had reached inner peace or nirvana in a yoga class. “Well, you see, my wife suggested I go to one of her Yoga classes, which I thought was the stupidest idea she ever had; and believe me, she had a lot of those. Anyway, I realized that all that crazy crap they were doing was pretty whacked. And don’t get me started on the mumbo-jumbo that went on in that class. That teacher was talking shit in another language or something.”
Guru-Z when on to mentioned that his moment of Enlightenment came when at the end of the class, the students laid on their backs in a final pose known as Savasana. “Well, let me tell you, I had the best snooze ever. My wife told me I embarrassed her because I was snoring up a storm. But I tell you, when she finally kicked me in the head at the end of pose, I felt great. It was then and there that I decided to start zBest Yoga.
Like other Yoga classes this one starts off with a chant. While other styles of Yoga might use the sound of Om, a typical class starts with a chant that sounds a lot like snoring. Students are encouraged to be inventive and loud as Guru-Z believed this sets up the next stage in the process known as the 'Great Yawning'. “This is the gateway between earthly existence and transcendental bliss,” the Guru explained. As observed by current students of the method, this yawing is a contagious function that usually goes on for several minutes. The final phase of the zBest Yoga method finds the students on there backs in what appears to be a suspended state of trance. Though an objective observer might claim that the students are really sleeping with all the snoring, drooling and occasional passing of gas, Guru-Z claims that this is Yoga.
A zBest Yoga class
Saturday, April 05, 2008
Yoga Mats - MyPodSouthParkTripleLatte SuperMat
Just in for the holidays and perfect for the Gen Y and Gen X Yoga student. This mat comes complete with electronic key-chain type bulk class pass, iPod holder, and wireless Internet connection along with complementary gift certificate for the coffee shop of your choice. Included is the world famous Yoga instruction DVD: "You might as well do Yoga since you will never find a job while still living in your parents basement."
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
Yoga Mats - Natural Dried Grass Yoga SuperMat
Made from grass clippings from the lawns of America. They are compressed under pressure. The Natural Dried Grass Yoga SuperMat does not have the normal artificial 'sticky' support, you find on other mats, but rather a more natural grip provides by small sticks and pebbles embedded in the surface.
Note: Don't use if you are sensitive to herbicides, pesticides, allergies or doggy-doo.
Note: Don't use if you are sensitive to herbicides, pesticides, allergies or doggy-doo.
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