Thursday, May 19, 2011

Twisted Tridents of Truth - A History of Modern Yoga - The Last 10 Years

Twisted Tridents of Truth - How Yoga Journal Helped Turn American Yoga Into A Yoga Circus – The Last Ten Years Of Yoga in America

This new book traces the recent history of yoga in America. While other books have explored yoga from its humble beginnings in India (Yoga Body, Singleton) to the beginning of yoga in America (The Subtle Body, Syman), “Twisted Tridents of Truths” recounts the most significant period in yoga history; the period from 2001 to the present. This period coincides with Yoga Journal’s purchase by a media company resulting in the complete hegemony of the contemporary yoga imagery by the magazine and the resulting clownification of the ancient practice. This book explores the real history of contemporary yoga.

From the opening chapter, “Damn Hippies”, this book describes the true birth of popular American postural yoga one rainy morning at Woodstock, NY. The chapter, “La La Yogaland” finds the mass migration of yoga hipsters (yogsters) from across the country to LA where they begin to cash in on the yoga boom. This results in the epic struggle between hippie yoga and hipster yoga as described in the chapter “Yoga Wars”. While the yoga war rages on in yoga blogs, pop yoga magazines and with b-list yoga stars leading the charge against the stalwarts of “that good ole’ time yoga”, the warring factions of yoga unite to fight a common enemy that appeared from the heavens one clear fall morning to threaten all earth bound yogas. With the invasion of yoga practicing aliens and the hybrid yogas that they spawned, the chapter, “Extraterrestrial Yoga”, describes this invasion and the ultimate survival of earth yoga with the mass mutation between alien and earthling yoga. This is the yoga we see being practiced today in hip, new and expensive yoga studios described in the chapter, “American Yoga Circus”.

In this book, you will learn about:

Evil yoga studios

Brain washed yoga zombies

Tantric voodoo sex

Sumo wrestlers in bakasana

Horny guru lovers and the horny gurus who love them

Burned out yoga bloggers and b-list yoga stars who hate them

Tattooed hipster yoga freaks

Reincarnated harpies

Bengal tiger blood


Psychedelic hippie yoga chicks on acid

Origin and short history of the bed of nails

Angry white yuppie yoga hordes

Hippie gods


Angelic yoga teachers practicing demonic yoga

Alien abducted sacred cows


Laughing YogaDawgs

Indian leprechauns

Naked yoginis in partner poses (in artful black and white)

Spontaneous levitations in Saturday morning yoga classes

Deviant yoga gurus

Hot pants wearing guruettes


Yoga gangsters eating sushi off of topless yoginis

The GreatTrancendentalYoga SuperStore

Goji berries

Outsourced Indian holy men

Black market mala beads

Ninja yogis riding unicorns

Yoga douche bags


Yoga conference whores

Disappearing elephants

Crying Buddhas

Fake birth certificates by orange men

Mysterious visitors dressed in black speaking Yoglish

Tainted yoga mats from China

Failed rockers finding new careers as kirtan singers (and their loyal yoga groupies)

Smokable cannabis yoga mats

Hairless, yoga studio, pretty boys

Transcended slime mold consciousness

Shitty siddhis

Saint that produces yoga blocks out of thin air (in Baltimore)

Yoga practicing extraterrestrials

American three ring yoga circus

World’s largest chapatti

The truth of the ultimate yogic colon cleanse

and more….

Available NOW in a yoga studio near you and soon to be a major yoga film starring Charlie Sheen, the Two Goddesses and all the Yoga Stars on the planet.