For The San Antonio Yoga Gazette
A new variation of Yoga made its appearance recently when a Yogi in Texas initiated the world’s first gun mandatory Yoga studio. This studio requires all Yogis to carry a loaded weapon while practicing within the studio.
Earl of San Antonio, President of the Texas Association of Male Practitioners of Yoga known as TAMPOY (see Yoga Declared 'Not Gay') has initiated this guns only policy in his YoGuy Yoga studio because, as he explained, “I want to insure that Yoga studios don’t turn into defenseless shooting galleries. There are too many crazies, criminals and terrorists out there. I mean let’s face it, even some of those Yoga students coming to class don’t seem quite right in the head. It’s the ones with the lavender mats and pastel colored Yoga clothes that have me most concerned.”
Earl has developed a unique series of Yoga poses that seem to concentrate on the Yogi’s inner gun-fighter. The poses include the:
PistolPackingMamanasana
TriggerHappyansana
ShotInTheFootasana
LockAndLoadasana
OKCoralasana
SonOfAGunasana
PistolWhippedasana
ItchyTriggerFingerasana
StickUmUpasana
BangBangasana
NRAsana
PassTheAmmoasana
KillBambiasana
WhenGunsAreOutlawedOnlyOutlawsWillHaveGunsasana
When asked if a Yogi could practice in the studio if they don’t own a weapon, Earl replied, “Who the hell in America doesn’t own a gun? That’s the craziest ass shit I ever heard.”
Yogis learning the finer points of StickUmUpasana
