My Third Eye Itches, the premiere yoga website and prime leader in online yoga consciousness and retrocognition, is looking for interns with bicoastal and bipolar tendencies, who will work in various capacities to help maintain the MTEI website and blog on it's march to Universal Yoga Dawgnation.
In this internship, you will learn how to manipulate and exploit social media as well as becoming familiar with advanced internet techniques such as blog stalking, website scrubbing, phishing, spamming, phone cramming and Nigerian 419 programs (it is useful if you are able to speak and understand Nigerian as you will be in constant contact with other hard working interns at our world headquarters in Lagos, Nigeria).
Daily duties will include: gleaning sexually themed yoga images and content from other sites and blogs to repost on the MTEI website as well as writing sarcastic and caustic replies to comments left by readers on the MTEI blog. Other duties will include packing and shipping t-shirts as well as opening Alpo cans at various times throughout the day.
A key responsibility of this internship will be to deflect calls and inquires from various law firms, law enforcement agencies and individuals regarding charges against My Third Eye Itches for plagiarism, fraud, copyright violations and questionable (and possibly illegal) content.
Though we rely primarily on the use of computers for most of our operations, any previous knowledge and use of clandestine drop points, pack-dogs, carrier pigeons, trained seals, dancing monkeys or unicorn riding leprechauns is highly desirable. Special consideration will be given to interns with generous trust funds and whose parents can contribute financially to My Third Eye Itches. Though the ability to speak and write proper English is not required for this internship, you will be given top priority if you are fluent in New Age, are able to communicate with extraterrestrials, can tame poltergeists or are clairvoyant.
By the end of this internship you will be proficient in excessive exaggerations, far-out fumblings, freaky fantasies and an extended ego. Even though our interns are unpaid, they have been known to go on to promising careers as circus performers and carnival barkers. Perks of this internship include:
1. Sampling swag from dog food companies
2. A daily séance with deceased yoga masters
3. Nude partner yoga sessions with those who have previously shown up on corporate videos for high end yoga spas
Note: An advanced degree in a martial art is helpful in navigating the neighborhood where the MTEI office is located.
Send cover letter and application with an international money order for $123.99 US (for processing) to:
Postal Drop 419
Ebola Okei-Dokei Street
Our beautiful offices in Camden, NJ
Find your work potential in our light and airy work spaces
You will be in constant contact with our world headquarters.