Monday, December 17, 2007

Yoga Students - The Poser

This student will often be confused with the Spoiler, as they also will have a top of the line Yoga mat, name brand spandex Yoga shorts with matching tee shirt and Om symbol gold necklace purchased from the GreatTranscendentalYoga Superstore. The Poser will also strategically set up in front of the teacher like the Spoiler. They will ceremonially unroll their mat and take great care to align it just perfectly. They will carefully place a yoga non-slip towel on top of that and go through motions of smoothing out every wrinkle and bump. Lastly, the Poser will take a hand towel, also with an Om symbol on it, ordered from the back of EternallyBlissfulYoga SuperMagazine and place it at the head of the mat in perfect alignment.

The fun begins, once the class starts. Predictably, the Poser will start huffing and puffing within the first three minutes. They will stop to sop the sweat off their brow as everyone else is doing poses. Within the next five minutes, they will start to slow down as clearly this class is too advanced for them even though it is a beginner class. After fifteen minutes, they will start to slip and slide from the sweat that is dripping onto their mat; possibly falling over. Twenty minutes into the class, they will be spent. The Poser will spend the rest of the time mostly in resting poses. They will not hear the snickering from the other students as the Poser begins to groan and moan through the class. The Poser will sneak out of the class while everyone is in final resting pose. This student will never been seen in the same studio once they have been found out to be a Yoga Poser; but they will be glad about their top of the line Yoga clothes and matching colored mat.

Inner Dialog: Cool, I'm in front of the teacher and everyone is checking out my cool, new top of the line Yoga clothes and matching colored mat from the GreatTranscendentalYoga SuperStore. Okay, here we go...Whee, look at me doing this stuff...up I go, down I go... whoa, everyone is looking at me, I am good…This is so much damn fun. What?!...what the f@&$ is this??? What is the teacher doing? I don't know that pose...I thought this was a beginner class....this is bullshit. Now what is the teacher doing??? I can't do that...damn everyone is looking at me...oh no, I have to go into child's pose. They are going to know I'm a poser. This sucks...I'm so depressed....I need my Prozac...I’ve got to sneak out of here...