Monday, February 14, 2011
Find Your Yoga Soul Mate This Valentine's Day
Welcome to the YogaDawg Yoga Dating Service Questionaire. We understand how you have become cynical about other dating services that promised much but delivered little or nothing. We know how painful it was being rejected by Harmony.com because you indicated you were a yogi and how the other popular dating sites have matched you to the psycho fringe crowd. Well, here at last is a true dating site for the serious Yogi. This Valentine's Day, fill out this questionaire and find the yogi/yogini of your dreams.
What kind of yogi are you? (if unsure, take this quick yoga quiz)
Where do you live?
_____ Mysore/Pune, India
_____ Right Here
_____ Out There (zing, zing)
Do you live in a:
_____ Yoga Studio
_____ Coffee Shop
_____ Cubicle at work
_____ Cardboard box
_____ Tee pee
_____ Have no need for shelter
How do you travel to your yoga class?
_____ A hydrocarbon spewing/environmental destroying/natural resource sucking/self-centered and selfish vehicle
_____ A hybrid
_____ A bus
_____ A bike
_____ Earth shoes
_____ Magic carpet
_____ Are you a yoga teacher?
_____ If yes, what type are you? (If unsure, read the YogaDawg Guide to Yoga Teachers)
_____ Exotic Dancing Shakti
_____ High Touch
_____ High Tech
_____ Enlightened One
_____ Old Guard
_____ When doing yoga do you get in the ‘zone’?
_____ If yes, what zone?
_____ Are you zoned now?
_____ If yes, are you able to tune other Yogis in?
_____ Can you broadcast?
_____ If yes,what frequency are you on?
_____ Are you in the Twilight Zone?
_____ How about a Hot Zone?
_____ End Zone?
Your yoga practice helps you to:
_____ Be here now
_____ Be in your body (inner body experience)
_____ Be out of your body (out of body experience)
_____ Puts you out of this world
_____ Puts you on Cloud Nine
_____ Who am I, how did I get here, where am I going?
_____ Can other yogis join your there?
Do you have any of these special talents:
_____ Walk on water
_____ Raise the dead
_____ Practice tantric sex with select hotties in yoga class
_____ Charm cobras
_____ Walk through walls
_____ Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound
_____ Part major bodies of water
_____ Rride a magic carpet (or yoga mat)
_____ Sleep on a bed of nails
_____ Have you ever been institutionalized due to these talents?
_____ Do you have a job?
_____ Have you ever been on the cover of Yoga Journal?
_____ If yes, do you date old, short, bald yogis with beer bellies?
If yes, stop now and send email to firstname.lastname@example.org for priority processing. Include year and month of issue.
If no, proceed to next question.
What level of yogi are you? (If unsure check the OSHA Guide to Yogis)
_____ Yoga Star
_____ Are you rich?
_____ Do you have a suger daddy/mama?
_____ Do you own a yoga studio?
_____ If yes, how many?
_____ Are you a leader of a cult?
_____ Are you a Yoga Star?
How many cats do you own?
_____ I own a Bengal tiger
_____ Did you name any of your cats after any of the Chakras?
_____ Did you name them after any Hindu, Buddhist, Shinto gods?
_____ Have you ever been evicted because of all the cats you own?
What language do you speak:
_____ Yoga BS
_____ In tongues
_____ Through telephethy
_____ I speak to the hand
_____ Have transcendented the need to speak
_____ Do you play a durm?
If yes, what kind:
_____ African drum
_____ Bass Drum in a marching band
_____ Are you in a drum circle?
_____ Are you a Wicca
On a date, have you ever:
_____ Practised a yoga pose while pondering a menu?
_____ Engaged in loud Ujayyi breathing?
_____ Explained Bramacharya to your date when they suggested having sex?
_____ Spontaneously entered a meditative state?
_____ Floated into space or melted into a waxy pool?
_____ Thought about opening a yoga studio?
_____ Has a date ever 'deep sixed' you because of the above?
_____ If yes, how long did it to take you to realize that you were 'deep sixed'?
_____ Have you ever done partner yoga?
_____ If yes, have you ever done partner yoga with more than one partner at a time?
_____ If yes, what were the most partners?
_____ Was it fun?
_____ Are you into naked partner yoga?
_____ If yes, can I join?
_____ How often do you engage in partner yoga?
_____ Do you practice safe mat hygiene?
_____ What brand mat do you use?
_____ Did you buy it or receive it as a gift?
_____ How many times a day do you use it?
_____ Does it smell (see mat hygiene question above?)
What is your age?
_____ Jail bait
_____ Ah, forget about it…..
In public do you wear:
_____ Chic Yoga clothes
_____ Non-leather Sandles and Malas
_____ Saffron Robes
_____ Face paint
_____ Do you carry a Trident or alms bucket?
At the end of a date, what do you do?
_____ Whisper Om
_____ Breath of Fire
_____ Flee to a yoga studio
_____ Transcend the here and now
_____ Do you visit www.YogaDawg.com?
If so, do you think YogaDawg is:
_____ A Geek?
If you answered ‘hot’, stop now and send email to email@example.com with a photo of yourself for priority processing, otherwise proceed to next question.
Write a haiku in the space provided below:
Draw a self portrait of yourself in a favorite yoga pose
Compose 8 bars of a yoga chant
For immediate processesing, send this questionaire in with a $379 International Money Order to:
Postal Drop 419
Ebola Okeidokei Street