For The Yoga Economist
WASHINGTON - With stocks gyrating wildly, panic in the housing market and talk of recession, concern is being voiced among the presidential candidates about rescue plans for the American people. What is little known is the concern among Yoga studio owners of plunging class attendance and short falls in the sales of Yoga props. With Yoga students mortgaged to the hilt, threatened by joblessness and having used their high end condos as ATM machines during the real estate boom of the last few years, these Yogi BoBos have suddenly found that the extravagance prices of yoga classes are no longer viable and have been abandoning studios in droves.
A group of studio owners and yoga stars has formed a coalition to petition the government for an economic stimulus package for Yoga studios. They have chosen Dennis Kucinich, former Democratic presidential candidate to lead this coalition. Even though he has dropped out of the presidential contest due to lack of interest among voters (outside of a contingent of disgruntled, sexually frustrated old fogies in Florida due to his campaign slogan of, "I'm old, I’m short, but I get the babes.", in apparent reference to his tall, young, smokin' hot wife), the coalition, nonetheless, felt that Mr. Kucinich would be the perfect candidate to present their demands to congress.
What is little known to the general public is the fact that Mr. Kucinich is a practitioner of Agni Yoga. "He is one of our own", remarked Jeani-ji, owner of Yikes Yoga in LA. With election-year calls to establish a cabinet level Department of Yoga (to capture the "Yoga Mom" votes), the coalition feels that Mr. Kucinich is the ideal person to push a proposal to get rebates for yogis who purchase bulk class passes of 10 or more. "This should help jump start the faltering Yoga economy", Jeani-ji said. "We are also proposing a so-called bonus depreciation to allow yoga studio to deduct 50 percent of business investments made this year as well as generous write-offs on yoga props and paraphernalia."
Several of the presidential candidates, both Democratic and Republican, rolled their eyes when informed of the proposal that Mr. Kucinich was pushing. Sen. John McCain, meanwhile, remarked, "And I thought Ron Paul was nuts!"
Dennis Kucinich levitating in front of a group of Yoga studios owners