Thursday, December 29, 2011

Yoga Douche - From The YogaDawg Archives

I saw this photo and thought of my old piece on students. This is a photo that should have gone with the Spoiler.

The Spoiler

You will recognize this student by their top of the line yoga mat, name brand spandex yoga shorts with matching yoga tee shirt and Om symbol purchased from the GreatTranscendentalYoga Superstore. Though not a yoga teacher, they are, none the less, sufficiently above the level of the classes that they are taking. You will find them mostly in beginner yoga classes. The Spoiler will walk into the classroom with a swagger, pose and preen, maybe even letting out a bored sigh as they set up their mat. They will always set up in front of the class, directly in line with the teacher. This is a strategic move as it offers maximum visibility for the other students. If the Spoiler gets there too late and sees that their prime space has been taken, they will usually turn around and go home. For fun, try to get to class early where there is a known Spoiler and take their prime spot. It was been known for them to walk around in circles confused to where they will set up.

The Spoiler will begin doing yoga poses before the class even starts. This is a favorite ploy of their's as they will try to strike up a sense superiority early on. Once the class starts, the Spoiler will adapt advanced postures secure in the knowledge that the other students are mere beginners. There will be an occasional smile on their face as they think to themselves, "Damn, I'm good. Look at the rest of these losers." The Spoiler will know the Sanskrit names of the poses and may even try speaking Hindi to the teacher. The Spoiler might even continue doing poses while the teacher is explaining something to the class or while the rest of the students are resting in Child Pose. They take great pride in demoralizing the other students in the class.

Inner Dialog: Damn I'm good. Look at me go. I am the greatest. Check out all the students looking at me. They know I am the greatest. Watch me do this pose while everyone else is in Child pose. I'll get the teacher's attention now. Hot dog, she's looking at me. I'm bitchin' today. Ah, screw it that everyone else is doing a forward bend, check out my headstand everybody. Damn, I'm the greatest...

Read about the other yoga students at My Third Eye Itches - A Yoga Guide