Thursday, July 09, 2009

Sarah Palin To Enter Yoga Ashram

Mary Washington
For EternallyBlissfulYoga Magazine

In an exclusive interview with EternallyBlissfulYoga magazine, Sarah Palin ended the speculation over why she quit her governors’ job by explaining that she plans to move to India to join a yoga ashram. Palin explained her motives by saying, “When the piece in Runners World came out, I was expecting them just to show something normal of me, like running around Alaska. Little did I know they would leak the picture of me doing yoga. I told that gossip rag, not to mention the yoga thing because you know, the people in Alaska don’t go for that kind of thing. I didn’t realize that they tricked me in doing the pose and then put it in the story. I’m going to sue those darn people.”

The comment regarding suing “those darn people” apparently stems from a tweet she sent on July 4th threatening to sue organizations of the mainstream media for malicious gossip mongering regarding a scandal that is said to be brewing when she was mayor of Wasilla, Alaska. Though most commentators thought that this was an example of “drunk tweeting” by Palin; Palin denies this. “Let me say right now I did not send that when I was drunk. Do they really think that I’m that stupid?” Palin did not want to talk about the letters her lawyers sent threatening to sue the organizations but she did seem particularly livid about a blog posting that implied that she was no longer in the state of Alaska but rather on the planet Zoid. “That BS about me being on the planet Zoid really got to me. That a blogger can get away with spreading such lies and equating me somehow with a weird blogger, Lip-Gloss Yoga, just gets my goat."

EternallyBlissfulYoga magazine asked Palin how she became interested in yoga and she replied that she is a regular reader of the yoga website, My Third Eye Itches. “Todd somehow stumbled on it and showed it to me because he wanted to warn me about the weirdoes out there that I would have to placate if I became president. Well, it wasn’t long after I started reading things on that site that I became interested in yoga and started to secretly practice in a closet off the kitchen.”, she explained “Man, it was hot in there”, she added. Adding that “one thing led to another”, she mentioned to this shocked reporter that in fact she is preparing to become a yoga teacher. When asked what studio she was going to be trained in, she replied, “Well, considering that there are no yoga studios in Alaska (research by this magazine in fact uncovered that there were actually two studios in Alaska, “Really Really Cold Yoga” in Anchorage and “Mooseasana Yoga” in Juneau), I decided to go live and train in an ashram in India. Nobody knows it, but I can also see India from my bedroom window and I’d wondered what all those little people in loin cloths were doing. Well, it was yoga and I decided I would train with them since it was so much closer then going to Seattle, or God forbid, Los Angeles.”

When asked if Todd and the kids would be going with her she said, “I don’t know, but if you think I'm going to stay here and work those gosh darn fishing boats again, you are sadly mistaken. It’s bad enough the Democrats make fun of me but I’ll be darned if I'll let those halibut smelling gut scrappers make fun of me when they find out that I’m a yogi.”

Though she didn’t mention when she was going to make the move to India, she did allude to the idea that she had some business to take care in Vancouver, Canada. A source close to Palin said that in fact, she was going to the Lululemon store there to get some really cool yoga togs. “She somehow heard that those clothes promised to make her butt look great in down dog”, the source concluded.

Sarah Palin out of the yoga closet

The new Sarah Palin limited edition yoga outfit from Lululemon