Cal Bonair - January 6, 2007
For Yoga Quarterly
Buried deep within the Democrats 100-hour agenda is a plan to establish a U.S. Department of Om Land Yoga. With the trillion dollar Yoga economy, there are fears in financial markets that Yoga might soon begin being outsourced to India. Commenting on this issue, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi said, "We feel that the establishment of a Department of Om Land Yoga will allow us to protect the economic interests of the country. In addition, we feel that this new Federal Department will create a more peaceful country, somewhat like Canada." Pelosi and the Democrats say they have the votes to make this happen. "We intent to prevent Yoga from slipping back to India and causing a recession in this country while at the same time healing the wounds that the Republicans caused in the last six years by fostering the practice of Yoga for all our citizens", she added.
When ask where she came up with the idea, Pelosi said that a small group of House and Senate Democrats began taking classes in a Yoga studio in the Adams Morgan section of Washington, DC. "We felt that a Yoga studio was the only place that we could do our strategic planning without the Republicans catching on to what we were up to. In the meantime, we all became hooked on Yoga", Pelosi explained. Asked who attended these classes, she mentioned Ted Kennedy, Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama among other Democrats in both houses. Expressing surprise that Ted Kennedy would be interested in Yoga, Pelosi replied, "Even though Ted looks like a fat, drunken slob, he has become quite an adept Yogi". It is rumored that a Yoga studio has been established in the basement of Congress.
President Bush reacted to the news of this item in the Democrats agenda, by exclaiming, "Yoga?? I warned you about those psycho, whack job Democrats". Dick Chaney, upon hearing the news, said, "Where's my damn shotgun". Donald Rumsfield remarked how he was glad to get out of that "nuthouse" called Washington and was looking forward to retirement in Iraq.