Yoga News - SF to Yoga – Turn down the Heat

Wavy Garcia
For SF Yoga

In one of the more extreme responses to the global warming crisis, practicing Yoga in a “hot” studio may be relegated to history's dust bin in San Francisco if that city gets its way. The Mayor’s office sent out notices today requesting all “hot” Yoga studios in San Francisco to refrain from unnecessarily heating their studios. “We hope they (Yoga studios) will turn down the heat voluntarily before a complete ban on excessive heat in their studios goes into effect”, Mayor Newsom said while signing the notice.

The San Francisco Board of Supervisors is proposing a prohibition on any Yoga studio that’s get hotter then 72 degrees. The proposed ban would take effect next year. Ross Mirkarimi, a member of the Board of Supervisor told the SF Chronicle newspaper that ``yoga studios designed to pump out excessive heat is a complete waste of energy and causes too much CO2 thus is a direct factor in global warming. This is unacceptable behavior in our enlightened city. If they can’t get sweaty enough during their Yoga practice without turning up the heat in the studio, then they need to take up something else, like volley-ball perhaps”.

For those who abhor Yoga as a vulgar display of affluence (along with yoga conferences, yoga clothing and yoga jewelry), such a ban could be a two-fer: Saving the planet while thumbing their nose at economic inequality. The folks against “hot” Yoga in SF often are same ones who hate McMansion-sized homes, corporate jets, jumbo freezers, yachts, 60-inch flat-screens TVs, overnight-delivery services and other trappings of Western-style wealth and energy use.

But according to some distracters, the debate isn't just about how much carbon dioxide “hot” Yoga is pumping into the atmosphere. Owners of “hot” yoga studios believe that this is really about the disdain that other schools of Yoga hold for this style of Yoga. “It wouldn’t surprise me if some members of the Board of Supervisors are doing that wimpy Anusara crap”, remarked Karmaelectra of Hot Tamali Yoga in Beacon Hill.

Reaction was swift and to the point from the targeted studios upon hearing about the ban. Shanti Bliss, owner of the Hot Dog Yoga studio, exclaimed, “This burns me up”, while Durk of Hot and Heavy Yoga said, “If they (Board of Supervisors) can't stand the heat then they need to get out of the kitchen”. When Sri Paris of That’s Hot Yoga in LA was asked if she was concerned that a similar ban might be proposed in LA, she simply remarked, “That mayor’s hot”.

Yoga Studios - The Purple Haze

The interior design of this type of studio is a drug-induced, psychotic, psychedelic nightmare that will pound your retina and brain into submission. Upon entering, you will find your field of vision becoming overwhelmed as you are assaulted by the jumbled, visual cacophony. You will close your eyes a lot in a studio like this simply to provide a safe haven your eyes. When you are able to peek around, you will find all manners of mandalas, Tibetan art works, day-glow posters of Ravi Shakar, funky hand painted peace signs, paisley wall hangings and tie-dyed statues of Buddha, Shakti and Jimi Hendrix. You might see Tibetan prayer flags hanging up above along with Love and Mardi Gras beads. Expect to find a gong and even bong in a corner of the studio. Perhaps you will even see Cockatoos flying around along with a pair of trapezes artists swinging above.

The Purple Haze studio always follows a very predictable evolution. Having been established during the 1960s as a Head Shop, it morphed into a meditation temple as the owners were busted for Pot or subversive left-wing activity and then a Yoga studio to cash into the Yoga craze.

Yoga Studios - The Eco Haven

The Eco Haven follows the guidelines set forth in the EcoYoga Association’s guide to ‘green’, ecologically sound and sustainable resource Yoga studios. The construction of the walls will be made from straw-bales and compressed corn-cobs making it smell a little like a barn. It will have a roof planted with soybeans or alfalfa. It will utilize passive solar design and may be dug into the south side of a tenement or condo building. The studio will feature rain water collection barrels on the roof, integrated wastewater treatment for the sink and toilets, photovoltaic electrical systems, solar hot water heaters, passive solar heating and a bio-climatic eco-cycle system. There also be sweat reclamation devices along with idle, inner chatter channelers and a Negative Vibes Converter.

The Eco Haven will be proud to offer a variety of eco-safe products in the studio store that the Eco Haven has branded with its own studio logo. You will find the new and exciting EcoHaven Yoga Mat whose innovated design is fashioned from the floor debris collected in the studio. It consists of lint, mat droppings and assorted hairs and dead skin from the Yogis practicing there. These are mixed with the recycled bit of unclaimed mats left in the studio. Remember that we must all do our part for a sustainable future of Yoga.

These studios will usually be arranged in a Feng Shui fashion. Otherwise, it will aligned to the either the cardinal points of the Great Pyramid in Giza, the equinox head stone at Stonehenge, the sacrificial alter in the Jaguar Temple at Chichén Itzá or the apex of the orbit of the ex-planet Pluto.

Yoga Studios - Lavender Haze

This is a frilly variant of the I Have A Dream style of studio interior design. Do not confuse it with the Purple Haze style. Though the names might be similar, they are of a completely different aesthetic. Whereas the Purple Haze seems stuck in a time warp, the Lavender Haze is stuck in an age warp; the age of about 12.

The color 'Lavender' (other studios of this type may use colors like 'Bubble Gum', 'Rose Puff', 'Teeny Bopper Blush' or 'Baby's Bottom') will be everywhere in the studio. There will be lavender walls, lavender floors, lavender mats with the teachers and even the students wearing lavender colored clothes. The front desk and the computer will be lavender and when they manage to use another color, say green for example, it will look like lavender. You will notice soft pillows and furry stuffed animals in the shape of elephants, Brahma bulls and water buffalos. Also you will notice the cute, furry lavender colored, stuffed Buddhas.

You will always know when you are approaching a Lavender Haze because there will be a lavender glow emanating from the studio as you approach it from down the block.

TIP: Men - There is a tendency for males to become severely nauseous when practicing in a Lavender Haze. Remember that what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.

TIP: Women - It is suggested that you bring a mat that is of a different color than lavender as there is a tendency to lose it as it blends into the lavender haze.

Yoga Studios - The Leave Me the Hell Alone

Mysteries abound around this type of studio as it is a great mystery what goes on in it and what it looks like inside. There might be some grainy and out of focus photos of the studio on it’s website and the only way that you really know that it is a Yoga studio is because the website said it is. The site will list an address and some vague indication that they offer Yoga classes. If you actually go to a Leave Me the Hell Alone type of studio, you will find the door locked. You will feel like an idiot by following the suggestion of the sign on the door to “Knock hard’ while no one opens the door.

Any Yogis that stumbles on one of these studios and by chance, someone actually opens the door, please email YogaDawg so this web site will at last have a description of what it looks like inside.

Yoga News - YogaDawg makes History - Worlds First Yoga humor eBook

Mark Bishop
For EternallyBlissfulYoga Super Magazine


In a move that is sure to take the wind out of the debut of the new Harry Potter book, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, YogaDawg Productions announced the publication of the new Yoga humor eBook, My Third Eye Itches.

Described as a “hilarious and satirical look at the neo-pop Yoga scene as practiced today by the cool, tight and trendy pimp-celebrity post-mod BoBo culture”, it has been reported that thousands of YogaDawg fans have gathered inside Yoga studios in major cities around the world over the weekend to discuss this most remarkable eBook and were asking important questions such as, 'Who dies at the end?', 'Does YogaDawg survive?’ and, in particular, “Is HotDawg (a disciple of YogaDawg) still hot or not?”

In Nigeria (headquarters of YogaDawg Productions), YogaDawg had received several email inquiries asking if My Third Eye Itches was some kind of joke and added that they would order a copy if reassured that the eBook is in fact real and not some Nigerian internet scam. YogaDawg Productions has replied with this statement, “This eBook is most certainly real and available. Just press the “Buy” button on the http://www.yogadawg.com/book.htm page. We expect sales to soar once we can get Yogis to stop doing down dogs long enough to click that damn button. Come on, you can do it.”

Weighing in with a hefty 100 pages, reviews of My Third Eye Itches have been almost universally glowing. Noting that the humorous tone of the book is a welcome relief in a jaded Yoga world, YogaDawg, age 97, is likely to see his fortunes swell with the publication of this Yoga masterpiece. He is currently estimated to be worth $211.59 from both sales of My Third Eye Itches and his world famous and much in demand YogaDawg t-shirts. With the publication of the eBook and on the heels of his successful LA tour, there are rumors of a Hollywood adaptation of My Third Eye Itches. If these rumors are true, the film is expected to bring in record global box office receipts.

Meanwhile, in India, police said they seized hundreds of pirated copies of My Third Eye Itches from a customer call center in Bangalor. It is also reported that unscrupulous street vendors are hawking pirated copies to Iyengar and Ashtanga students in both Pune and Mysore.

In a curious side note, in the hours after the release of My Third Eye Itches, Las Vegas bookmakers cut their odds that YogaDawg would actual sell a copy of the eBook, from 1,000,000/1 to 999,998/1. It is reported that there a couple of bets placed from “suspicious looking people wearing high end Yoga clothing and gold Om necklaces”.



Praise for My Third Eye Itches

Baron Baptiste – Not this fucking YogaDawg guy again….

George Bush – Dick, where’s your damn shotgun? This guy is getting on my nerves.

Dick Cheney – I think I’m having a heart attack.

Paris Hilton – YogaDawg’s hot.

Al Gore – YogaDawg is definitely causing global warming with all his hot air.

Rodney Yee – Colleen, is this book going to hurt my Yoga video sales?

Colleen Saidman - Shut up Rodney and go into Childs pose

Lindsey Lohan – It’s not my cocaine, it fell out of the YogaDawg eBook.

Geeta Iyengar – YogaDawg’s hot!

Harry Potter – YogaDawg makes Yoga more fun then Quidditch.

JK Rowling – Shut up Harry. I knew I should have killed your ass off in the last book...

Yoga News - YogaDawg Does LA

Saul Mauled
For EternallyBlissfulYoga Super Magazine

Financed by the non-profit YogaDawg Foundation and sponsored by adoring fans, disciples and assorted Yoga splinter groups, YogaDawg arrived in Los Angeles to deliver a series of lectures, workshops, classes and personal meeting with the leading members of the LA Yoga Industrial Complex (known as the “Industry”).

Promoting his SuperDuperBlissInducer Super Bok Choy ® method, YogaDawg wowed the Yogis in the City of Angels with his most efficient and amazing insights and approach to Yoga. Like a reigning pop star, YogaDawg arrived at LAX to the cheers of adoring fans and disciples with throngs of people lining the roads and highways as YogaDawg rode past on his way to Hollywood to met with members of the “Industry” to discuss the future of Yoga in America.

Packing lecture halls and yoga studios, YogaDawg demonstrated his method to all that would listen. Spending the night at the Paris Hilton in the West Hollywood Hills, YogaDawg held court with members of the press and the paparazzi, resulting in news articles in the major paper as they described the excitement of YogaDawg’s presence in the city.

Jenny “ShivaShaktiYogini-jini” Bennie described the excitement the best. Interviewing Jenny doing asanas next to her cardboard “squat” under a bridge on I-5 close to downtown LA (and home to other homeless Yogis), Jennie explained, “I thought that guy who spend the night with us was just another burned out, disillusioned Yoga wanna-be who had come to Hollywood with dreams of opening their own Yoga studio and becoming a Yoga Star. Who knew that he was the real deal? And shit, that guy was damn funny!”

Editors Note: In all seriousness, really and truly, not kidding, all joking aside, YogaDawg would like to thank Vanda Mikoloski, the Quantum Comedienne, for great laughs; Joni Yung, the Accidental Yogist for endless talks and Kimberly Fowler, the founder of YAS, for getting YogaDawg to do some real “California Dreaming”. Thanks for making a wayward Yogi feel at home and among friends in the Yoga capital of the world. These are the three coolest Yogis in LA…honest!

Photos:

1. YogaDawg travels to LA in style.
2. YogaDawg arrives in LA to adoring fans.
3. YogaDawg speaks to packed lecture halls.
4. YogaDawg demonstrats the SuperDuperBlissInducer Super Bok Choy ® Method in crowded Yoga studios.
5. YogaDawg enters the gateway of Hollywood.
6. YogaDawg makes headline in LA papers.

Yoga Dangers - Introduction

YogaDawg would be remiss if mention of certain Yoga dangers, both physical and psychological, were ignored. These are not to be taken lightly, as they could discourage you in your practice as well as causing long term health problems. Most Yoga books only mention the positive aspects of the practice, but the Yoga Guide will not flinch from this responsibility. YogaDawg feels it is important that you, as a Yoga student, are aware of these dangers.

If you find yourself developing any of these symptoms, please call 1-800-Get-Dawg to schedule an appointment at the YogaDawg Psychic Health Emporium.

Yoga Dangers - Obsessive Adjustmentitis

This happens when a Yogi has lost sight of the boundary between Yoga and the real world. After a few months of getting adjusted in a yoga class, there is a clear problem of extending this behavior outside the Yoga studio. You may find yourself adjusting sales clerks, your boss or anyone else you run into for that matter. This will not only piss them off but you may possibly be charged with assault so seek professional help as soon as possible for this condition.

Yoga Dangers - Erectile Full Function Fibrillation

A male condition that occurs during a Yoga class while getting an adjustment from a pretty, young Yoga instructor. This occurs sporadically and there is no known cure. If this condition persists, only practice Yoga with instructors 60 years of age or over.

Seane Cuts her Hair

Sheri Sang
For Yoga Celebrity Magazine

Seane Corn, famous American yoga star and yoga babe, cut her hair last week. Even though her fawning male students are in shock, Ms. Corn reports that she is quite happy with her new 'doo'.

"I wasn't getting the respect for my yoga skills like the other famous American yoga stars. Everyone was so focused on my hair and not my yoga that I decided to cut it off. I'm not just my hair, you know. I am so much more. Besides, that stuff kept getting in my eyes all the time during all my poses", Ms.Corn said. She added, "I thought I might do the braid thing that Ana (Ana Forrest, another famous American yoga star) has going on, but Shiva (Shiva Rae, another famous yoga star) said yoga students might confuse us. So she suggested this".

When Baron Baptiste, another famous American yoga star, was reached for comments regarding Ms. Corn's new hair style, Mr. Baptiste said, "I don't know why she doesn't wear a bandana like me. I think that would be kind of hot".

Meanwhile, the members at the Organization of Bald Men are thrilled by her new look. "We have adopted her as an inspiration to all of us here", said Barry Barnsworth, spokesmen for the organization. "I think a lot of us are going to take up yoga", he added.

Seane Corn sporting her new hair style.

Yoga News - Paris Does YogaDawg – A Jailhouse Conversion

Wholey Moley
For Yoga Entertainment Today

In an apparent jailhouse conversion, Paris Hilton has been spotted doing Yoga in her cell while attempting to speak Sanskrit to the guards (the guards say it sounds more like chop suey).

This behavior can seemingly be traced to her visit to a Buddhist bookstore just before being incarcerated. As has been widely reported, Ms. Hilton had visited the Bodhi Tree Bookstore in Hollywood a week before going to prison. She had purchased several books, among which was the Yoga text book, "My Third Eye Itches – A Yogic Guide" by the elusive and controversial Sri Sri Swami Baba Guru YogaDawg.

What was not known at the time, but which Yoga Entertainment Today has uncovered, is that Britney Spears has been in contact with Paris just prior to her visit to the store. It appears that Britney had suggested that Paris get the book "My Third Eye Itches – A Yogic Guide". It was also suggested by Britney that Paris become a disciple of YogaDawg (see Britney Does YogaDawg - Further Revelations).

It is not known if Ms. Hilton is pursuing this behavior with the hopes of getting out of prison sooner for good behavior or if she has truly mended her ways by following this most enlightened teacher of Yoga.



Editors Note: Paris Hilton was released from prison after only three days of incarceration. There are reports that a large number of the general population of the prison have begun doing Yoga and petitioned the institution for classes in speaking Sanskrit. The non-profit YogaDawg Foundation has reported an upsurge in membership applications from California.

When the sheriff was asked why she was released from prison, he said, "When I looked into her cell, she was all twisted up like a pretzel and speaking this crazy ass shit that I couldn't understand a word of. I thought she was having a catatonic fit. We are not prepared to treat something like that here in the prison".



Editors Update: In fast breaking news, Paris Hilton was sent back to jail Friday a day after her early release under house arrest triggered outrage that one of Hollywood's own was getting special treatment.

Hilton, who had spent little more than 72 hours behind bars, cried and wailed "YogaDawg, YogaDawg, YogaDawg" as Superior Court Judge Michael Sauer ordered her back to prison to serve out her 45-day sentence for driving on a suspended license.

At the hearing, the judge expressed irritation at the sheriff's department, saying he had never heard of YogaDawg nor received promised documents that were supposed to explain why Hilton was released due to this jailhouse conversion.

"I never received those documents. And just who is this YogaDawg?" Sauer was quoted as saying by the Los Angeles Times. There are now reports that a large number of the general population of the prison have STOPPED doing Yoga and learning Sanskrit.

Yoga News - Clinton Proposes new Department of Yoga

Julie Spank
For Yoga Political Review

MANCHESTER, New Hampshire -- Democratic presidential hopefuls traded barbs over the war in Iraq, health care, taxes and even Yoga Sunday night in New Hampshire. The stunner of the evening came when Hillary Clinton announced her intention of establishing a new governmental department once elected President which would be named the Department of Omland Yoga.

John Edwards responded by saying that he would ban incense in Yoga studios due to health issues explaining that this would be the centerpiece of his health care reform package (Edwards apparently took a cue from Michael Bloomberg’s ban on incense in yoga studios in New York City). Dennis Kucinich, who is known by many as "The Peace Candidate" and who is a Yoga practitioner, chanted Om three times while he did one complete Sun Salutation. Meanwhile, some in the audience claim they heard Barack Obama exclaim under his breath, “What the fuck?”

This is not the first time that Hillary Clinton has stunned critics and opponents with her unorthodox method of calling attention to herself while going after a segment of the population for their vote. From her blatant attempt to woo the southern male voter by showing up at a speech wearing an outfit that showed “cleavage” to the calculated cackling she has been spewing to gain support from the “hysterical Right”, this appears to be a move to get the “Yoga moms” behind her in her bid for president. Though creating a department of Omland Yoga is not a new idea for the Democrats (See Establishment of Department of Yoga on Pelosi's Agenda), this is the first time it has showed up as a proposal by a major presidential candidate.

When Clinton was asked how she was going to reach out to the approximately 27 women left in American that don’t practice Yoga, Clinton replied, “I’m sure Bill will come up with something.”

On the Republicrat side of the issue, Lynn Chaney was reported as saying,” Dick, put down the damn shotgun and get me my Yoga mat.” Ann Coulter meanwhile, when asked her thoughts about the proposal from Hillary Clinton, replied, “That bitch is such a skank, though is Bill kind of hot!”

Yoga News - Chi to Chai – Buddha Cries

Nothair Not-There
For Yoga Siddhi Today

A small Yoga studio in Seattle was shaken when during a Saturday morning Yoga class, a Yoga teacher her students at the studio discovered that a bronze Buddha statue looked as if it had been crying. The statue, bought from Pier 1 Imports and placed on a window sill of the Yoga studio, sheds drops of moisture from its eyes that puddles in a pool of liquid at the base of the statue.

"At first, I thought there was a hole in the roof and rain was dripping on the statue”, explained Jenny Satcrest, "but the more I looked, the more it appeared like the Buddha was truly crying. What’s really crazy about this is that it only happens during Yoga classes!" Confirmed by several Yoga students at the studio, the statue "cries" faster or slower depending on what postures the class is doing. "The harder the pose, the more it seems to weep and it stops completely when either we sit in silence or are in Corpse pose", explained Ms. Satcreat "I’ve experimented with that statue and can really get it weeping if I announce to the class that we are going to do partner poses or do some chanting. Then I notice that there is a torrent of tears coming from the statue. It’s almost as if the statue has taken on a personality of likes and dislikes of certain poses and wonder if it is channeling the chi of my students."

This story gets even stranger as to the explanation of what the tears are made of. Ms. Satcreat swears it is the sweetened green chai that’s sold in Starbucks. When asked how she came to conclude that the tears were composed of this, she said, "Well, after mopping up time after time, I finally had the nerve to dip my finger in the liquid, smell and taste it. It blew my mind what it turned out to be!" When asked how she could be so sure that it is green chai, Ms. Satcreat said she stops by the local Starbucks everyday for her green tea fix and said she can identify the taste anywhere.

Others aren’t so taken with the crying Buddha though. When a rival Yoga studio was asked about this, the owner replied, "Well, I won’t be impressed until that Buddha starts dispensing Frozen Orange Crème, Triple Shot Espresso, soy blended Frappuccinos with whipped cream on the top."

Meanwhile, Starbucks is losing no time with a new marketing campaign incorporating Buddha with the slogans, "Forget non-attachment. I want my Starbuck Chai!" and "What would Buddha drink?"

Yoga News - Yoga Declared 'Not Gay'

Tex of San Antonio
For The San Antonio Gazette

The Texas Association of Male Practitioners of Yoga declared a proclamation today that "Yoga is not gay". Earl of San Antonio, Texas (when asked his last name he replied, "We’re friendly down here in ol' San Antonio way, so just call me Earl") founded TAMPOY after, as he put it, "Was sick and tired of people telling me that Yoga was kinda gay".

Earl said he got the idea after being razzed once too often from his male bowling buddies. It was then that he decided to start TAMPOY. When asked how many members the association had, he said 12; ten of which prefer to stay anonymous.

Earl was asked if he expected membership to grow and he explained, "That’s been kind of hard because males in Texas have a tremendous difficulty admitting they do Yoga. I was hoping that President Bush would publicly say it was okay for males in Texas to do Yoga. That would have gone quite a way of getting this issue out in the open".

Earl added, "By the way, we in the TAMPOY organization don’t call ourselves Yogis rather we call ourselves Yoguys; yep, we’re just regular Yoguys".

We contacted John Martin of the Coalition for Gay Rights for comments regarding this story. His reply was, "Ooookkkaaayyyy…." and promptly hung up.

Yoga Shopping - The ThermoChakra Thermometer

This innovative device allows you to check out your Chakras to see what state they are in. Coupled with the handy Chakra Healing Guide, you will now be able to balance your own Chakras, saving your time and money paid to the local Yoga studio that you had to do in the past. The ThermoChakra Thermometer is available in either mouth, underarm or rectal versions.

Yoga News - Britney Does YogaDawg – Further Revelations

Holly Jolie
For Yoga Entertainment Today

With the news last month that Britney Spears shaved her head because of a satirical news article on a Yoga humor blog, "My Third Eye Itches" (see Britney Does YogaDawg), there were further revelations today that Britney actually applied to become a disciple of Guru Sri Sri Baba Swami YogaDawg.

When reached for comment regarding this development, HotDawg, the lovely wife of MadDawg (formally Born and Maiden America) acknowledged that Britney was in contact with the non-profit YogaDawg Foundation. It appears that Britney sent a handwritten letter to YogaDawg requesting several YogaDawg t-shirts and explaining how she qualified (see Qualifications for buying YogaDawg Gear) to purchase them. In a PostScript to the letter, Britney wrote that she wanted to become a disciple of YogaDawg (Editors Note: MadDawg and HotDawg are currently the only two disciples).

As MadDawg explained, "We were kind of blown away that not only did she want to buy some YogaDawg t-shirts, but that she wanted to become a YogaDawg disciple". "Yeah, like we had her name picked out and everything", HotDawg added. When asked what that name was, they said, "CrazyDawg! We thought the name was perfect for Britney".

In the meantime, this reporter contacted Tom Cruise by phone with these further revelations regarding Britney and his reply was at first a stunned silence. Then he started shouting, "I want a YogaDawg t-shirt!" which at the same time sounded like someone was jumping up and down on a bed on the other end of the line.

Yoga News - Patanjali Appears in Fast Food Restaurant

Betty HandleyFor EternallyBlissfulYoga Super Magazine

Yogis are flocking to a McDonalds in Gering, Nebraska where Patanjali is said to have appeared to people.

The apparition is taking place above the checkout counter of the restaurant. Yogis say that Pantanjili has been appearing to them on a regular basis over the past six months. Yogini, Rita Gomez, who is part of the ever growing group of Yogis that has encamped in the restaurant, said, "The vision usually begins when handed the McDonald bag that had a women doing the Tree pose on it. When they look up above the menu, they say Pantanjali appears and speaks to them."

After Patanjali spoke to one 14-year-old girl, she began and completed the entire Secondary Series (a series of poses done in the Ashtanga style of Yoga). Yogi, Emmanuel Duchamp, 38, said he saw Patanjali appear. When asked what he spoke about, Mr. Duchamp said “Super size that".

The Yogis have been doing asanas in the back of the restaurant during normal business hour. John Mattins, manager of the restaurant, when asked if this was a bit strange, he agreed it was odd but as long as they purchased something, he was okay with it. He added, "They are just a group of devoted Yogis who come here each day to do their thing. There has never been any other strange business going on that has ever given us cause for concern. We are keeping an open mind”.

It is reported that there have been no other sightings of Patanjali in any other McDonalds.



Patanjali apparition at a fast food restaurant in small Nebraska town.



The bag that has inspired Patanjali to appear at a fast food restaurant.

Yoga News - Om Trademarked

Intel Insider
For Yoga Law Review

The Yoga world stands stunned today as Stanley Zambowski of Pittsburgh, Pa has made a move to copyright and trademark the word OM.

Inspired by Bikram Choudhury's successful copyright of 26 poses of Yoga, Mr. Zambowski hired his cousin Walenty Zambowski, a lawyer, who set loose a flurry of cease-and-desist letters warning yoga studios around the world not to use the word OM, the symbol Om nor even chant OM. "This is a cold and quiet day for all Yoga studios", lamented Rod Entriteramen of the NirvanaPranaOneWorldYoga Studios. "We actually had a few students break down crying because we had removed the OM symbols from the walls of the studio and sat silently before and after class since we couldn't chant OM and didn't know what else to do".

In the meantime, a nonprofit organization of yoga scholars based in India, in response, has put an additional 1,000 historians and scientists to continue to work cataloging all known Sanskrit words to block Mr. Zambowski from cornering the market on any other Yoga related word.

When questioned by reporters if he could possibly think he would be able to copyright the word OM, Zambowski (in the manner of Bikram Choudhury ) grabs his crotch, lets out a loud belch and thrusts wildly while screaming, "I am a Polish Bull! Boom! Boom!" Mr. Zambowski refused further comment.

Editor's Note: Mr. Stanley Zambowski is the owner of the famous Stan's Polish Sausage Hut and the Hot Polish Sausage Yoga Studio; both popular hangouts for students from the University of Pittsburgh.

Yoga News - 10,000th Yoga Style Reached

John Franco
For Yoga Associations Journal

An exciting milestone in the Yoga world has been reached today with the 10,000th Yoga style registered through the Association of Yoga Styles and Schools (AYSS).

“We could hardly believe it when we received the application to register this latest Yoga style”, remarked Joan Sutherland from AYSS. “Who would have thought that so many styles of Yoga would appear? It seems only a couple of years ago that there were a few, such as Iyengar, Ashtanga, Anusara, Kundalini and a handful of others”, she noted.

AYSS, founded in 2004, was the brain child of Lou Stelutti, a New York Yogi and Jazz bassist. As Mr. Stelutti explained, “I noticed that with all the teacher training courses, there were not enough Yoga studios to hire them all. It was about this time that I suggested that these budding teachers establish their own schools of Yoga. It was with my sincere desire to help them in their Yoga journey that I established AYSS”.

When asked if these new teachers have benefited from registering at AYSS ($1,750 registration fee), Mt. Stelutti only smiled as he looked at his Rolex watch and exclaimed, “Whelp, I got to run. I'm late for my Yoga class”.