Yoga News - Tree Pose Seen on Tree - Others see Cross behind

Tereese Treese
For EternalBlissfulYoga Super Magazine

Behind a non-descript building in suburban Minneapolis, several Yoga participants are seeing an eerie likeness of a Yogi doing the tree pose on the peeling bark of a 50-foot pine tree. Though there is some dispute who the likeness is of, there is no disputing that the image is that of a person doing a Yoga pose. The image is fueling speculation and wonder in the insular world of Yoga practitioners. There is a belief that somehow a great Yoga spirit is looking down and protecting this area of Minnesota.

John Schuster, who has spent more than 30 years at the helm of the Okie-Dokie Yoga studio, first spotted the likeness when he decided to do some yoga poses in the outdoors. “I decided I wanted to do a tree pose out by that tree and was flipped out when I focused my dristi (a Yoga focal point) on the bark of the tree when I suddenly noticed a figure doing the tree pose on the tree.” He added, “It was kind of spooky to be doing a tree, while seeing a tree on a tree”.

Though Mr. Schuster claims the figure on the tree looks like BKS Iyengar (a famous Yoga Star), others aren’t so sure. Brenda Stephens, a 27-year-old “Yoga assistant” at the studio thinks it looks like Shiva Rae (another Yoga Star), while Jenni-Ji, a student swears it looks like Rodney Yee (another Yoga Star). Even non-yogi Hari Houdini claims to see the figure, but he said it looks more like Ronald McDonald.

The tree is guarded by a barricade with a single candle, Om symbols and copy of two famous Yoga tomes, “My Third Eye Itches” and “Right On Yoga”. They have been placed by well-wishers who practice nearby. Mr. Schuster commented, “I guess when it starts talking, then we will really be freaked out."

Yoga News - Special Sale for Yoga Teachers: 50% off on BS Training

Antonio Valveldi
For The Yoga Education Newsletter

For any new Yoga teacher (or those wanting to advance their teaching skills), it is important that you master one of the most crucial aspects of Yoga which is not usually covered in conventional teacher training courses; the Art of Yoga BS. Critical to your success as a Yoga teacher in today’s competitive and crowded Yoga scene, it is important that you master this principal skill so that you will become a successful and prosperous Yoga teacher.

Offered through the YogaDawg College of Yoga, this training offers a solid grounding in Yoga BS. YogaDawg’s BS for Yoga Teachers will teach you how to BS in any Yoga class with no knowledge of the subject or the need to study ancient Yoga texts.

Starting with simple Yoga words and phrases such as om, transcendence, radiant, consciousness, soul, omniscience, joy, One Spirit, divine light, psychical inversion of the Spiritual, Spiritual Eye of the Seer, Lululemon Athletica, black Manduka Yoga mat or even Yoga Industrial Complex, you will soon begin to weave them into complex, compelling and seemingly profound gibber. By the end of the course you find yourself able to say things like:

“Faith must be supplemented by Yoga; while Yoga must be led as well as studied before the full meaning can be understood. The awakening of Spiritual Consciousness can only be understood, in measure, as it is entered into Yoga.”

or

“The recognition of the three worlds while resting in Child’s pose leads us to realize ourselves; and all life; as of the Soul of Yoga. As we dwell, not in past, present or future, but in the Eternal, we become more at one with Yoga."

or

“Doing Yoga poses, the total of the phenomena, possess as their property; Manifestation, Action, Inertia; the qualities of force and matter in combination. These, in their grosser form, make Yoga cool and trendy.”

or even

“The whole outer world exists for the purposes of Yoga and finds in this, its true reason for being a Yogi. Shopping at the GreatTranscendentalYoga Superstore encompasses the grades or layers of the Three Potencies of Yoga. Yoga stuff then becomes Defined, Un-Defined or On Sale. So always look for that with distinctive marks known as logos; finding these on sale are even better”.

Never again be thrown or rendered speechless when one of your students has the audacity to ask something like, “What exactly did Pantanjli mean in Chapter 1, Sutra 2 of the Yoga Sutras when he wrote, "Yogas citta vrtti norodhah"? Be assured that you will now be able to answer such questions with confidence and cunning wisdom.

By enrolling in the YogaDawg BS for Yoga Teachers, you will be offered bold techniques such as the patented NTNF (Not true, not false) Technique. This technique will perfect you in the practice of asserting whatever the student knows to be true, is false (or false, is true). With the contention that the ancient Yogis didn’t know as much as the current American Yoga Stars (and backed by the authoritative Yoga resource, Yoga Journal), you will have those neurotic students who ask such questions, believing that you are the source of a new trendy Yoga philosophical approach.

So, enroll today at YogaDawg’s College of Yoga (classrooms in most major Yoga studios world wide) and save 50% during this one-day sale.

Yoga News - Yoga Studios Surpass Starbuck Outlets

Star Shanka
For The Times of Yoga

In an amazing testimony to the popularity of Yoga in the last few years, the Clearinghouse for Yoga Business (CYB) has confirmed that there are now more Yoga studios then Starbuck outlets.

What started as a whim by some hippies standing on their heads as they tried to follow the Yoga teaching of the great Masters of India, has now turned into an American craze that has surprised even the most vocal of Yoga advocates. "I knew Yoga was popular, but I had no idea just how so!" remarked Sundas Kuwasana of the US Yoga Advocacy. "Even we were caught off-guard by this report", he added.

Jim Donald, Starbucks president and chief executive officer, confirmed the findings of CYB but appeared undaunted as he joked to this reporter, "Yes, we were asleep at the switch. Too much decaf I suppose.", Mr. Donald commented. He added, though on a more serious note, "We are currently in talks with the NivanaPranaWorldYoga SuperStudios to place Starbuck cafes in all 2,369 of their studios. This should keep us ahead of the Yoga trend".

Sources close to Starbucks confirmed that the slogan for this new strategic partnership will be "Kick your relaxation to the next level".

Yoga News - New Environmental Concern: Yoga Mats

Fred Germani
For The Yoga Mat Association News

An estimated 240 million Yoga mats are discarded each year, adding to the estimated two to three billion now littering the landscape. Yoga mats are ideal breeding grounds for rats and mosquitoes and are fire hazards (burning, they release toxic chemicals into the air and produce an oil-like residue that can contaminate groundwater).

Environmental Concerns. The Yoga mat industry's environmental efforts have focused primarily on the reuse, recycling, and safe disposal of scrap mats. Reuse programs include retreading as well as newer anti-erosion programs. Recycled mats can also been used in asphalt-based road coverings, shoes, household items, and even new mats. But in spite of all these programs, hundreds of millions of mat discards went to landfills since the beginning of the Yoga boom in the early 2000.

Ms. Sally Hartgield, Press Secretary for the Yoga Mat Association, summed it up this way, "What a mess"!

Yoga News - Tom Does YogaDawg

Jonnie Rocket
For Yoga Celebrity Today

In what appears as a celebrity world going mad (or at least bald), Tom Cruise is the latest star to shave his head (see Britney Does YogaDawg). Appearing on the NBC's Today Show, Cruise explained why he shaved his head to Matt Lauer.

“I couldn’t understand why Britney was able to buy a YogaDawg t-shirt and yet I’m not able to. It occurred to me that this might be a Cosmic test for me and concluded that I had to shave my head”, Mr. Cruise explained. Matt Lauer said that the t-shirt he was wearing looks like a cheap knock-off and not a real YogaDawg t-shirt. Flummoxed, Cruise replied, “Of course, it real, do you know how much money I had to send the Dawg to get this. And just trying to understand those people at YogaDawg Productions in Nigeria was a nightmare. All I can say is, just thinking about this make me way to start jumping up and down”. Mr. Lauer was quick to reply, “Please don’t…”

Mr. Cruise was asked if shaving his head might hurt his chances of landing future movie deals. He replied, “No! As a matter of fact, I am in talks with the producer of the “The One True Yoga” (see The One True Yoga) to play in the sequel The One True Yoga II as the Court Jester”.

When the non-profit YogaDawg Foundation was contacted for this story, they at first were quite stunned that Tom Cruise had somehow gotten a hold of a YogaDawg t-shirt (see Qualifications for Purchasing YogaDawg Gear). MadDawg, the handsome husband of HotDawg (formally Born and Maiden America, the two disciples of YogaDawg) declared that the shirt Tom was wearing was in fact, fake. “We had NBC send us close-up of the shirt and saw that it is clearly a fake. We feel bad for Tom, but we still won’t sell him a t-shirt”, MadDawg said. HotDawg added, “But you know, he is kind of cute, especially with all that jumping up and down he does. He kind of looks like he’s doing Ashtanga Yoga sometimes. I think he can become a great Yogi if he ever decides to become a disciple of YogaDawg”!

Tom Cruise (wearing a YogaDawg t-shirt) explaning why he shaved his head to Matt Lauer with close up of the t-shirt in question. Notice the crude lettering, the smiley face on the Dawg and the incorrect website on the shirt in this close up

Mafia Runs Chicago Yoga Market

Dick Tracy
For Yoga Crime Gazette

Federal prosecutors filed a lawsuit yesterday seeking to seize control of several Yoga studios in Chicago, declaring that they are dominated by the Mafia. Expanding the use of Federal racketeering laws, the civil suit asked a Federal court to appoint supervisors to oversee the operations of the busy yoga studios and its main union, The United Yoga Workers Local 459 of the A.F.Y.L (American Federation of Yoga Laborers).

The prosecutors, asserting that yoga class prices were being driven up by racketeering, the suit described both the studios and the union as "captive" organizations of the Om Capone yoga crime family. "The Government has filed a racketeering suit to put the Yoga studios under court supervision", said Patrick J. Fitzgerald, the United States Attorney in Chicago.

At a news conference to announce the suit, Mayor Daly said he had initiated the investigation three years ago when a friend who operates a yoga studio told him of being required to make payoffs to “shady characters wearing high-end Yoga clothing and gold Om necklaces”. Much of this activity has been centered around three studios in particular; the Stugots Yoga Studio, the Gabagool Shala and Goomba Om Yoga Studio.

Asked how it came to be that the mafia targeted yoga, the mayor replied, “Yoga is a multi-billion dollar industry. Seeing a drying up of gambling "revenue" due to the new family friendly atmosphere of Chicago as well the lose of drug ‘revenues” from the gentrification of major parts of Chicago, the Om Capones decided to target the lucrative yoga market”. The mayor clarified, "It's like when Jessie James was asked why he robbed banks and his reply was,'that’s where the money is', well so it appears with yoga”.

Eighth Chakra Found

Jai Ray
For Journal of Yoga Sciences

The Yoga world is buzzing today with an announcement from the Yoga Research and Development Organization (YRDO), a wing of the Ministry of Yoga under the Government of India, to officially declare and recognize the discovery of the Eighth Chakra. This discovery has propelled India's Yoga research once again to the forefront of the Yoga world. "We realize that we have been losing ground in Yoga to the United States in the last few years, but this should prove that all those American Yoga Stars are nothing but light-weights by comparison to what we are doing here in India, quipped Pasad Gurose, Director of YRDO.

Intense research work, done day and night for nearly 9 years by the senior scientist, Dr. M.A. Padma Rao, at the Yoga Laboratory in Jodhpur led to this Chakra discovery.

Long believed that there were only seven Chakras or virtual bodies as they are known in the Yoga world, reporters asked Dr. Rao how the new Chakra had been missed for so long. "Well, it's like astrophysics, we have developed tools to allow us to see deeper in the metaphysical body." When asked where this new Chakra was located Dr. Rao pointed to his foot and said, "The sole of the foot. It was literally under our feet this whole time."

The new Chakra has been named Pluto in honor of the ex-planet Pluto. "We feel that this is an appropriate name since even though we lost the planet Pluto, we have gained the Chakra Pluto," Dr. Rao added.

The Newly discovered chakra; Pluto

Yoga News - Yoga's All-Time Record Profit Gouges US Yogis, Group Says; US Yoga Profits Up 39 Percent

Free Me
For Radical Yoga Review

SANTA MONICA, California - NirvanaPranaOneWorldYoga SuperStudio capped an orgy of Yoga studios quarterly record profits Friday with an 18 percent boost over last year to $1.4 billion, its highest one-quarter profit ever. What should really fuel the ire of U.S. Yogis, however, is its 39 percent increase in teacher training and Yoga conference profits, which come most directly out of the pockets of Yogis struggling to pay for $18.00-and-up Yoga classes nationwide, said the nonprofit, nonpartisan Yogis for Yoga Class Price Reform (YYCPR).

NirvanaPranaOneWorldYoga SuperStudio is also, to the tune of nearly $1 million so far, the lead funder of opposition to Proposition 108, the Fair Yoga Class Price Initiative on California’s November ballot. The measure would fund research and commercial development of alternative Yoga venues and diminish dependence on overpriced Yoga studios. It would be paid for by a levy on sales of Yoga props, videos and other Yoga paraphernalia sold by Yoga studios. Yoga studios are prohibited from passing the levy on to Yogis under the initiative.

"The successive record profits of the Yoga studios show that only outright greed drives their campaign against Prop 108," said Jeanie-ji, spokesperson for YYCPR. "The major Yoga studios want no interference in their ability to pick the pockets of Yogis, and no threats to their control of class prices.” “We find it odd”, she added, “that with new Yoga studios opening every day, prices should be driven down due to increased competition. Instead, there is almost collusion between them to keep them high.”

A recent poll by the organization, Yoga Alliance of Real California Yoga Stars, found that as the pain of continued high Yoga prices gnaws at Yogis, support for alternative Yoga venues and Proposition 108 in particular rises. A clear majority, 72 percent of those questioned, supported Prop 108 when its description was read to them. "The Yoga lobby has killed or stalled all attempts to rein in Yoga studios profiteering in the U.S", said Jeanie-ji.

When asked if there were other issues of concern beside high Yoga class prices, Jeanie-ji replied, “Yes, class sizes and crappy Yoga music. Not only are these studios charging outrageous prices for classes, but to add insult to injury, they cram as many students as they can into each class. We will be working on standards that will require all Yoga mats to be at least two feet away from each other in all directions”.

When asked about the issue of bad Yoga music played in the studio, Jeanie-ji replied, “This is one of the sleeper issues that many Yogis have been gripping about, like forever. It’s bad enough when they play that mind numbing stuff from famous Yoga kirtan stars, but when they start in with the temple bells and gong crap, we need to put our foot down”.

To incite change on a grass root level, YYCPR suggests that all Yogis take action in the fight against overpriced Yoga classes by filling out and sending the following form letter to any Yoga studio and their studio owners that they feel are guilty of the issues described above.



--------------Fill in the blanks then cut and paste into an email----------------

[Today's Date]

[Owner of Studio]
[Studio Address]

Dear [Owner of Studio]:

I am writing to let you know that your studio:

[check all that are appropriate]


( ) Is charging too much for Yoga classes
( ) Is too crowded
( ) Has crappy Yoga music


Until these conditions are corrected, I want to notify you that I will avoid practicing in your studio. I will either be:

a) Practicing at another studio where these conditions do not exist.
b) Practicing at home.

I encourage you to correct these conditions as soon as possible so we can continue to have a healthy Yogic relationship with your studio.

Please feel free to contact me once these conditions are corrected.

(Yoga studio guidelines can be found on the nonprofit, nonpartisan, Yogis for Yoga Class Price Reform (YYCPR) website)

Nameste,

[Your name]
[Your address]
[Optional: Your phone number and/or e-mail address]

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yoga News - Early Sticky Mat Discovered

Anil Gupta
For EternallyBlissfulYoga Super Magazine

An amateur Yoga Archeologist has found, what appears to be an early Yoga sticky mat, in the Indian state of Arunachal Pradesh, bordering China.

The strikingly colored Yoga mat was identified by Ramana Athreyamana as he was hiking through a remote forest in the northeast part of the country. "Quite frankly, I was lost", said Atreyamana, age 54. "I was wandering around in circles, when at some point, I looked down and there it was! The floods in the regions must have washed it from a cave", he exclaimed.

When asked just how old this sticky mat was, Mr. Athreyamana, put an age of at least 3,000 years old. "We're talking Patanjali here, people", he excitedly added.

Measuring a mere 17 by 39 inches, Athreyamana was asked if that was bit small for a Yoga mat. He replied, "You have to remember that people were smaller back then".

Is this truly a Yoga sticky mat?

"With today's modern technology, we gathered all the information we needed to confirm it as a Yoga sticky mat", Athreyamana said. "We took samples of the core and analyzed the surface. This is definitely an early Yoga mat."

Athreyamana says detailed comparisons of modern sticky mats and this one reveled key similarities. For example, this surface of this newly discovered mat has a surface covered in pine resin and pitch, giving it a tacky grip. This has been spread over a base that appears to be of animal hide.

When ask if this was truly an early Yoga sticky mat, Mr. Athreyamana smiled, "Look here, do you see the hand and foot prints on the surface. See those chest hairs and scraps of clothes embedded in the surface? This was obviously an early model as it seems that the Yogi had not quite figured out the tackiness required in a Yoga mat. It must have been a bit of a painful experience for the Yogi using this mat".

The findings will be published in the next issue of the journal Yoga Mats.

Yoga News - Yoga Lifts Off

Mary Stavins
For Yoga WorldFlight News

In the first documented case of a Yogi levitating during a Saturday morning Yoga class, John Depakin of Dayton, Ohio, found himself airborne for several minutes.

"It kind of freaked me out to be quite honest with you", he said. "We were doing the Yoga pose, Bumblebee, while I repeated the mantra, 'Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee'. I felt like a bit of an idiot when our instructor told us to flap our arms while we repeated this mantra. But it was shortly thereafter that I lifted off the ground."

The Bumblebee is a Yoga pose that Sri Sri Swami Baba Guru YogaDawg claims he discovered written on a banana leaf manuscript in the basement of the Baltimore Public Library. He subsequently claimed that it was devoured by rats that prowl the stacks down there. When asked how such an ancient text came to be found in the Baltimore Public Library, he said that the old merchants of Baltimore City must have brought it back from India or maybe some pirates.

In another development, Maharishi Mahesh Yogi (founder of TM which has it own flying Yogis) has acknowledged that students at the Maharishi University of Management in Fairfield, Iowa have been spontaneously levitating from their desks when they have been logged on to the YogaDawg.com website. "Apparently, that web site has really lightened them up", he said. "After two years of study and countless academic papers validating this phenomenon, we have decided to add the textbook, My Third Eye Itches - A Yogic Guide, to the curriculum next to the Vedas, the Bhagavad-Gita and the Yoga Sutras. It obviously contains great truths".

Yoga News - Extraterrestrials Do Yoga

Abdul Momand
For EternallyBlissfulYoga Super Magazine

A farmer walking his wheat field found a simple word in a crop circle that might signal, for the very first time, that yoga is of interest to not only the people of Earth but also to the Extraterrestrial community at large.

This first yoga crop circle appeared in the fertile area of the Becca Valley. The image measures some 640 ft in total length, with the pictogram showing the word, YOGA. Though not perfectly aligned, the word, in the the head-high early wheat plants with its spiral lay of the plants was impressive none the less.

When presented to the founders of famous yoga schools, there seemed to be a common agreement among them, "This is obviously done by an Extraterrestrial force that is new to yoga as the alignment of the letters are a bit shaky." A leading teacher of the Iyengar School said, "If the Extraterrestrials had come to one of our classes, we feel the lettering would have been aligned more properly. We concur that, either the force was new to yoga or studied under one of the other schools of yoga, perhaps Ashtanga."

The photo below seems to indicate that yoga is even more popular then currently believed.

Yoga in a Truck

Gilley McWilliams
For Yoga Business Opportunities Magazine

A new franchise offering from YogaDawg, Yoga in a Truck ® is the nation's first residential and commercial mobile Yoga studio franchise system. The mission of the company will exceed its customer’s expectations by offering a full-range of residential and commercial mobile Yoga studio services.

Yoga in a Truck ® franchises offer Yoga students a complete Yoga Studio on wheels to allow them to take Yoga classes in the comfort of their own driveway or parking lot of a business they might own; whether it is practicing one asana, an entire Yoga class, or even a Yoga workshop, Yoga in a Truck ® allows the Yoga studio to come to the Yoga student.

YogaDawg took his inspiration to create this franchise upon seeing Cyndi Lee’s (famous American Yoga Star and Yoga Magazine Star) “Yoga in a Box”. “I just took Cyndi’s idea to the next Yoga level”, YogaDawg explained. Each Yoga in a Truck ®mobile studio is layed out in the fashion as described in the Yoga Sutras and updated for the modern Yoga student to include piped in Yoga music, candles and incense. A complete Yoga boutique is also offered in each truck.

Neither trucking nor Yoga experience is required to obtain a Yoga in a Truck ® franchise. Yoga in a Truck ® is about maintaining solid customer relations, managing people and schedules, and following common- sense business practices. Women and husband-wife teams operate more than half of the Yoga in a Truck ® franchises.

Yoga in a Truck ® training programs enables Franchisees to learn everything from A to Z about operating a Yoga in a Truck ® franchise. Phase One begins the day a franchise is awarded. Franchisees receive a comprehensive start-up kit and begin working with the training and franchise consulting staff. Phase Two takes place at YogaDawg University, located in Lansing, Mich. This phase combines comprehensive classroom and practical training. Phase Three is the opening of the franchise! As a franchise begins operations, the Home Office support team provides ongoing assistance including an on-site visit from a Yoga in a Truck ® Franchise Business Consultant.

The financial resources necessary to get started fall between $83,000 and $245,000.

Yoga News - Baron Revels His Head

Sandi O'Day
For Yoga Celebrity Magazine

Baron Baptiste, famed American Yoga Star, has apparently taken his bandana off in public before two Yoga students.

Sally Rogers and Beth Sandez were the two students present when Baron momentarily removed his bandana for a few seconds. "It was awesome", Ms Rogers exclaimed. Though the reason for the removal is unknown, Ms. Sandez offered a guess, "We think his head was itching severely and he needed to scratch it". Beth noted that this event had not occurred during the workshop that Mr. Baptiste was teaching that day, but rather in a hallway staircase in an out of the way area of the conference center. "Yea, we were like coming down the stairs and there he was with his bandana off and scratching his head. He must have heard us because he put his bandana back on real quick like", they explained.

When asked what Baron's head looked like under the bandana, both students were at a lose to discribe it, "I mean, we were so blown away that he didn't have a bandana on, that we really never got a good look. But it did seem to have some distinctive markings on it", they replied. Ms. Rogers went on to add, "This is like seeing Elvis. I know no will believe us, but we will always remember seeing Baron without his bandana".

Mr. Baptiste claims he never took off his bandana. "Those two weren't even Yoginis. They were just a couple of cranked up, crack whores. You know the type those Yoga conferences attract", he said.

Yoga News - Sixties Gurus Go On Tour

Brent Showhoggen
For Yoga Entertainment

Due to the surge in the popularity of Yoga, income has plummeted to all time lows for a group of Gurus that where once popular during the 1960 and early 1970s. As more and more disciples of these gurus are showing up in Yoga studios, the Gurus felt it was a good time to go on tour.

The group consists of Franklin Jones aka Da Free John aka Adi Da aka Adi Da Samraj; Maharishi Mahesh Yogi aka Maharishi; Guru Maharaj-ji and the newly reincarnated Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh aka Osho. In addition, both Paul McCartney and Ringo will join on the tour to provide music. Tom Cruise wanted to join the group to represent L Ron Hubbard, but was informed that only live Gurus would be allowed on the tour.

Commenting on the tour, Adi Da explained it this way, "………………..", while Maharishi added, "Twice a day for twenty minutes". Guru Maharaj-ji gave a puzzled look while asking, "Where did everyone go". Newly reincarnated Osho simply said, "Waaaaaaaa". When asked if the two surviving Beatles would be enough to perform the music, Maharishi said that he would channel George Harrison. It is expected that newly reincarnated Osho will provide primal screams.

The tour will wind through retirement communities in the southern part of the U.S. The group believes they can create some bling from former followers that had left years ago to pursue normal lives, normal jobs and to play golf on the weekends.

Tickets are available for "GuruTour 2007" through TicketTron or through the website, GoGoGuru.com.

Yoga News - Establishment of Department of Yoga on Pelosi's Agenda

Cal Bonair - January 6, 2007
For Yoga Quarterly

Buried deep within the Democrats 100-hour agenda is a plan to establish a U.S. Department of Om Land Yoga. With the trillion dollar Yoga economy, there are fears in financial markets that Yoga might soon begin being outsourced to India. Commenting on this issue, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi said, "We feel that the establishment of a Department of Om Land Yoga will allow us to protect the economic interests of the country. In addition, we feel that this new Federal Department will create a more peaceful country, somewhat like Canada." Pelosi and the Democrats say they have the votes to make this happen. "We intent to prevent Yoga from slipping back to India and causing a recession in this country while at the same time healing the wounds that the Republicans caused in the last six years by fostering the practice of Yoga for all our citizens", she added.

When ask where she came up with the idea, Pelosi said that a small group of House and Senate Democrats began taking classes in a Yoga studio in the Adams Morgan section of Washington, DC. "We felt that a Yoga studio was the only place that we could do our strategic planning without the Republicans catching on to what we were up to. In the meantime, we all became hooked on Yoga", Pelosi explained. Asked who attended these classes, she mentioned Ted Kennedy, Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama among other Democrats in both houses. Expressing surprise that Ted Kennedy would be interested in Yoga, Pelosi replied, "Even though Ted looks like a fat, drunken slob, he has become quite an adept Yogi". It is rumored that a Yoga studio has been established in the basement of Congress.

President Bush reacted to the news of this item in the Democrats agenda, by exclaiming, "Yoga?? I warned you about those psycho, whack job Democrats". Dick Chaney, upon hearing the news, said, "Where's my damn shotgun". Donald Rumsfield remarked how he was glad to get out of that "nuthouse" called Washington and was looking forward to retirement in Iraq.

Yoga News - Cow Yoga

Vern Miller
For EternallyBlissfulYoga Super Magazine

With the popularity and saturation of Yoga among the general public, Yoga teachers have become increasingly hard pressed to find new avenues of revenue derived from their Yoga practice. However, one enterprising Yogi found a way out of this dilemma. He has started to teach Yoga to cows.

While this has raised some eyebrows in the straight-laced communities of Montana where he teaches his Yoga practice, many cattle ranchers swear by the benefits of it. "My cows are so much calmer now", explained Guy Gusterson, a rancher in Custer county, Montana. "They seem to moo less which is a great blessing to anyone who lives on a ranch. Those cows can drive you crazy with all that mooing", he continued. "I think Yoga makes them more circumspect", he added.

YogaDawg, the brains behind Cow Yoga, claims his success comes from personally concentrating on each cow and telling them that they are doing a good job while at the same time letting them know if they need to improve a little bit here or there. YogaDawg is said to have a real personal touch with the cows. He realizes that each cow has their own skill level that they can work at and makes sure they never felt to be under pressure while learning Yoga.

"YogaDawg is just such a great guy, his vibes are amazing. Cows are kind of just naturally drawn to him', mentioned Wilma Gorden, another Montana cattle rancher. "You know when we first heard about Cow Yoga, we thought is was kind of nuts. After all, cows are kind of stiff", she explained. "But YogaDawg is very good with cows and makes them feel comfortable. He encourages them to just come as they are, gets their energy flowing", she added

YogaDawg explained how he came up with the idea of Cow Yoga, "Well, it was during a Cow Face (Gomukhasana) pose that I was doing when it suddenly dawned on me how stressed some cows are. Between cow mutilations from illegal aliens (the exterterrestrial kind), cow tipping (bored farm boys in rural areas who sneak up on an upright sleeping cow and then push it over for amusement) and lonely cowboys, it was obvious that cows could benefit from Yoga just as much as people". When asked what the hardest part was about teaching cows Yoga was, he replied, "Asking them to stop chewing their cud during class".

Yoga News - Teacher Training in a Box

Yoga by Betty
For Yoga Education News

The new YogaDawg Teacher Training in a Box contains everything you need to become a Yoga teacher. Unlike other teacher training courses that are offered by every other Yoga studio and Yoga star in existence today, this easy, do-it-yourself, teacher training course will allow you to become a teacher in your own time or even quicker. With its collection of CDs, the easy to understand and critically acclaimed My Third Eye Itches – A Yoga Guide, the patented Yoga Student in a Box along with other learning tools, teacher training will no longer be the arduous affair that it has been in the past.

The YogaDawg Teacher Training in a Box comes with following:

- Three disk teacher training CDs:

Disk One: The audio version of My Third Eye Itches - A Yoga Guide

Disk Two: A selection of Yoga inspired howling created by Fred (YogaDawgs next door neighbor).

Disk Three: White noise CD that can be played in the car or at night with subliminal messages such as: Yoga is money; I want to be a Yoga star, etc.

- The patented Super Abridged Yoga Classics that cut to the chase of such ancient Yoga texts as the Yoga Sutras, Bhagavad-Gita and Right-On Yoga.

- Flash cards showing the 12 essential poses of the YogaDawg SuperDuperBlissInducer Super Bok Choy Method ® that includes the correct alignment and benefits of each pose.

- A candle, a stick of incense and a book of matches to help create your sacred space.

- The patented Yoga Student in a Box ® to help you practice alignment on your future students.

- A set of framed photos of currents Yoga Stars to keep you inspired.

- And last but not least, the awe inspiring, simulated Yoga mat in the form of a real dollar bill. This can be used as a Yoga mat for the Yoga Student in a Box and for that all important “first buck’ you make in your career as a yoga teacher.

The YogaDawg Teacher Training in a Box is offered for a limited time for only $59.95. A bargain over other teacher training courses which run into the thousands of dollars at your local Yoga studio. This is a golden opportunity to pursue your desire to become a Yoga Teacher and to cash in on the Yoga boom for a nominal price.

Upon completion of the Teacher Training in a Box, you will receive the coveted "Soon to be a Yoga Star" Ribbon printed with Congratulation on it from the YogaDawg College of Yoga. This will be a fine thing to pin to your Yoga mat when you actually teach students.

Praise for Teacher Training in a Box:

Damn, why didn’t I think of that…Cyndi Lee

Damn, why didn’t we think of that…David Life and Sharon Gannon

Damn, why didn’t we think of that…Rodney and Colleen

Damn, I could have been a Yoga teacher…George Bush

The YogaDawg Teacher Training in a Box with the patented Yoga Student in a Box

The coveted "Soon to be a Yoga Star" Ribbon from the YogaDawg College of Yoga

The YogaDawg Teacher Training in a Box with the patented Yoga Student in a Box along with the coveted "Soon to be a Yoga Star" Ribbon from the YogaDawg College of Yoga

Everything about Yoga

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