Saturday, December 31, 2011

Shit Yogis Say - The Video

It was only a matter of time before someone put this together. Glad it is so well done...



Thursday, December 29, 2011

Yoga Douche - From The YogaDawg Archives







I saw this photo and thought of my old piece on students. This is a photo that should have gone with the Spoiler.

The Spoiler

You will recognize this student by their top of the line yoga mat, name brand spandex yoga shorts with matching yoga tee shirt and Om symbol purchased from the GreatTranscendentalYoga Superstore. Though not a yoga teacher, they are, none the less, sufficiently above the level of the classes that they are taking. You will find them mostly in beginner yoga classes. The Spoiler will walk into the classroom with a swagger, pose and preen, maybe even letting out a bored sigh as they set up their mat. They will always set up in front of the class, directly in line with the teacher. This is a strategic move as it offers maximum visibility for the other students. If the Spoiler gets there too late and sees that their prime space has been taken, they will usually turn around and go home. For fun, try to get to class early where there is a known Spoiler and take their prime spot. It was been known for them to walk around in circles confused to where they will set up.

The Spoiler will begin doing yoga poses before the class even starts. This is a favorite ploy of their's as they will try to strike up a sense superiority early on. Once the class starts, the Spoiler will adapt advanced postures secure in the knowledge that the other students are mere beginners. There will be an occasional smile on their face as they think to themselves, "Damn, I'm good. Look at the rest of these losers." The Spoiler will know the Sanskrit names of the poses and may even try speaking Hindi to the teacher. The Spoiler might even continue doing poses while the teacher is explaining something to the class or while the rest of the students are resting in Child Pose. They take great pride in demoralizing the other students in the class.

Inner Dialog: Damn I'm good. Look at me go. I am the greatest. Check out all the students looking at me. They know I am the greatest. Watch me do this pose while everyone else is in Child pose. I'll get the teacher's attention now. Hot dog, she's looking at me. I'm bitchin' today. Ah, screw it that everyone else is doing a forward bend, check out my headstand everybody. Damn, I'm the greatest...

Read about the other yoga students at My Third Eye Itches - A Yoga Guide

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Friday, December 23, 2011

The Yoga Night Before Christmas


Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the shala

No creatures were stirring, not even Dalai Lama.

The gongs were all hung by the Buddha with care,

In hopes that Patanjali soon would be there.



The yogis were nestled all snug on their mats,

While visions of bliss were dancing like brats.

And teacher in lulus, and I in my speedo (all natural, eco friendly, shade grown and totally organic),

Had just settled our breath for a long winter’s savasana.





When out of our consciousness there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from my mat to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I floated like a guru,

Tore open the shutters and exclaimed WHAHOO!



For the moon on the breast looked like new-fallen karma

And gave the lustre of mid-day to an odd looking Krishna.

When, with my wondering ears, I heard wicked sitars

Played on a magic yoga mat by eight tiny yoga stars.



With a little old yogi, all smothered in ghee,

I knew in a moment it must be Pantajali.

More rapid than prana his students they came,

As he chanted, and called them each by name!




"Now John! now, Ramdev! now, Saul and Bikram!

On, Rainbeau! On, Baron! on, Tara and Kathryn!

To the top of the shala! to the top of the hall!

Now levitate! Levitate! Levitate all!"



And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof

What sounded like yogis aligning each little foot.

As I drew my head in, and was turning around,

When out from the Buddha he came with a bound.


He was all naked from his foot to his head,

And his body all tarnished with the ash of the dead.

A bundle of props he had flung on his back,

And he looked so complete, just opening his pack.




His eyes-focused on dristi! his gaze inwardly found

His forehead had a image, his face was dark brown!

His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,

And the hair on his head so white as it grow.



The stump of some bhang he held tight in his teeth,

The smoke encircled his head like a mala beneath.

With face painted neat, he held a trident of gold

Munched on some Gogi berries and laughed ho, ho ho!



He was slim, calm and sexy, a righteous old sadhu,

As I laughed when I thought, I’m not even Hindu!

A wink from his third eye and help from his dearies,

He soon gave me lessons how to accomplish the Ashtanga 5th series.


He spoke not a word, but went straight through vinyassa,

And rang all the gongs, as he soon left mi casa.

And laying his finger aside of his third eye,

Into the Buddha he went as he said bye bye!



He sprang up on his mat, and to his stars he said Om,

And away they all flew heading for another yoga home.

But I heard him exclaim, as they flew out in asana,

"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-savasana!"

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Your Christmas Tree Is Trying To Kill You


Oh wait that was the neti pot...in any event, your Christmas tree might be making you miserable. Maybe that's what makes people crazy at all those family gatherings.

"The team analysed clippings from 28 Christmas trees including needles and bark, from a range of species, and found 53 cases of mould. Of these, 70 per cent can cause symptoms including itchy noses, watery eyes, coughing, shortness of breath, chest pains, sinus congestion, feelings of fatigue and problems sleeping. Some of the mould identified can even lead to long term lung problems and conditions such as bronchitis and pneumonia."


Full article from The Telegraph

The Days of Christmas, the Lo way

If you haven't checked out the lastest posts from the funniest and most creative yoga blogger out there, STOP NOW and do so immediately. This is true Christmas cheer......Y is for Yogini


Seven bendy yoginis.......

Five yoga props.....

Four singing bowls....

Monday, December 19, 2011

How much is your yoga worth

Still teaching for the love of it? This is kind of a Third Eye opener for those involved.


"For salary standards, first we tapped Ava Taylor, the founder of YAMA Talent, the first-ever yoga talent agency. Taylor’s stable of super-established and highly credentialed yogis earn anywhere from $40K to $400K. While the salary range is huge, “most yoga teachers in New York can expect to make $35K or $40K,” Taylor says. “Even if you become a really popular instructor, with 50 people in your class regularly.”

From the Well and Good, NYC

Yoga Girls - The Remix

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha...funny and not in a funny way!

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Yoga for Tomatoes

Essential reading for people who care about their tomatoes.


Thursday, December 15, 2011

WAR IS OVER - U.S. War in Iraq Declared Officially Over


"BAGHDAD — Almost nine years after the first American tanks began massing on the Iraq border, the Pentagon declared an official end to its mission here, closing a troubled conflict that helped reshape American politics and left a bitter legacy of anti-American sentiment across the Muslim world."

Full report here

May the world be just a bit more peaceful this Christmas.

Welcome Home!

Be Someone Else...

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Thursday, December 01, 2011

Laugh...It's good for you!

Click on graphic for detail or here if still unable to see detail (blogger is so lame with images)